The Expert Dabbler

Another day in the life...

2011-12-01T02:04:00.001-06:00

Whose Life am I Living?

I decided to go on anexploratory adventure last week on my day off.

Private, secluded beach. Point Dume.

Did a little beach jogging. seriously hard.

let the hike begin. Solstice Canyon.

hike break.

midway through the hike: chillin at the fireplace of a house that burned down in 1982

Waterfall.

Waterfall

The ruined-burnt out house from above.

Admiring the canyon view.

Chillin. Beach-side.

It had been at least a month since I went anywhere.

Iwas going out frequently when I first got here. But for some reason I felt likeit was an indulgence – that I would have the opportunity to go and do so easily– hop on the bus and get off at the beach… when most people my age havefamilies and children and adult responsibilities. I tell myself that I need todo mature things that mature people would do. Mature, responsible people don’thop on the bus and go to the beach.

But.I can. And I want to. And I enjoy it.

Itmay or may not be an indulgence. I am not quite sure.

Ilong to explore. To hike. To think. To listen. To feel the sun. To sit on thebeach and stare at the ocean and hear the sound of the waves.

Thereare things that – as a single person – I can not do that a married person can.So it would seem only logical that there would be things that – as a singleperson – I can do that as a married person I could not.

Godhas given me singleness. May I thrive behind the boundaries by which singlenessis contained.

"In Progress" - Work, Working, Money, Careers

2011-11-09T13:57:00.001-06:00

So the difference between work and a career is significant.
But is there more significance in having a career over doing work?

A career implies the need for special training. SERIOUS-Debt-acquiring-education in my case... which is further conundrified (yes I think I just created a word!) by the fact that I am now in possession of a skill set which I am not using.
My metric financial burden: $72Ks. Kinda gross huh?
I think I was ignorant of some things when I chose to educate myself. Like issues of money and debt and the REAL value of getting loans to finance all. of. my. education.
I made all my decisions about education based on assumptions - the only fulfilling work is the work that requires a college degree - I have the smarts to go to college so I go to college - success follows higher education - I will be able to find a job to pay for all the loans I am acquiring...

I have definitely made some naive and ignorant decisions over the course of my life. Exhibit A.
And now Exhibit B. More Exhibits in my Life's Stupidity Gallery sure to be revealed at a later date I'm sure.

But here I sit, eh? Milk spilled. Now what to do?

I feel as though I followed the "wisdom" of our culture and society in choosing to sink myself in debt to acquire this education - so when people look at me like an idiot and ask me why I am working for Starbucks while sitting on a Masters degree, I get defensive and don't really know how to respond.
"That's just the way the cookie has crumbled?"

There are so many ways to approach this question, and lately I've been struck by this passage (Matthew 25:14-30) ... looking for an application on this particular topic... but floundering to find one.

The Parable of the Talents

"For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, 'Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.' His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.' ... He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.' But his master answered him, 'You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

I definitely don't want to be the servant given the portion of his masters possessions that immediately goes to bury it in the ground for safe keeping.
"I have this. but I'm not going to use it. I fear its source. I don't really understand its methods. I can't really play by its rules. So I'll just keep it. Protect it. Hide it. Pretend like it doesn't exist."

I know I have the tendency to withdraw from the game when I don't trust the rules. or don't believe in the rules.

I don't know what the answer is yet. But. I am in progress. Not enjoying any of my options but willingly considering them.

Some thoughts on Praying Together

2011-11-07T02:21:00.004-06:00

Lanark Recreation Center

The people of Living Stones shared in some time of prayer this past weekend.

The church has been meeting in someone's home since July - with the hopes of transitioning to Lanark Recreation Center across the street from where many of us are living.

There has been a snag in the approval process - one of the signatures we needed, we didn't get.
View Larger Map

This transition into Lanark has been a very tangible milestone that we have been anticipating along the path that leads us toward the goal of reaching this neighborhood.

This weekend has taught me that praying together can provide a unique opportunity to see into each other lives - to see an imprint of Christ in them!
As a group of people seeking to be the Body of Christ to one another and to our neighbors - I've begun to slowly grasp how crucial it is for us to be united together as intimately as possible.
And prayer is definitely a vehicle - a minivan - that brings us closer to God.

The Art of Confession

2011-11-07T01:25:00.000-06:00

Not being Catholic, I've never experienced confession. But as of late, I have had the strongest desire to be free from various thoughts.
Ugly thoughts about other people.
I have longed to speak these thoughts - to get them out. And to be reprimanded accordingly. To receive the punishment for them. And be done.
But I cannot, in clear conscience, speak ill of someone in the presence of another... but it is SO hard to hold it all in!
It kinda eats you up.
The only one who can hear my thoughts and not be tempted to sin is Jesus - so to him alone shall I confess.

Lets Talk Community Development... and Closets.

2011-10-27T20:36:00.002-05:00

It's no longer "recently finished" - but a month ago now - I finished this book:

With Justice For All by John M. Perkins

It's not that it is the definitive work on community development as I am coming to realize there are quite a few voices out there on the topic, and its not even that his voice is rooted in 40 years of experience ministering to the poor and reconciling racial tensions - although that packs a powerful punch. Instead it is the strange resonance I have felt between the lessons that John Perkins (JP) has learned over the course of his life which have resulted in his philosophy of ministry (Relocation, Reconciliation, Redistribution) to lessons in which I am in progress in my own life.

“Proclaiming the gospel and living out the gospel in a way that brings good news to the poor and liberty to the oppressed (Luke 4:18).”

“A strategy by which American evangelicals can do the work of biblical justice in our land.”

Growing up "in the church", I have collected a lot of baggage, replete with things that look like church and feel like church and sound very churchy. I have amassed a wardrobe of churchy experiences laden with disconcerting emotion and confused feeling. Reading this book, through the work of the Holy Spirit, I was surprised to discover that I could unpack this heavy luggage and examine these experiences that I have had and disengage them from their circumstantial negative emotion. And in doing this, removing the heavy stones of negative emotion sewn into the hems of the garments, they become light. And not only do they become light - but I realize that yes, I have amassed a wardrobe of experiences that have brought me to this very place. Surrounded by and part of the Body of Christ. I can unpack the garments now. Hang them up in my closet called The Sovereignty of God. And quit carrying around the baggage.

Wanna see my closet?
I'll warn you, its kind of messy. Lots of stones, rocks and other various rubble strewn about the floor...

When it comes to the ministry experiences that I have had, most often I felt a serious lack of effectuality.
In high school, during the summer, our church youth group would spend one week teaching VBS at a sister church somewhere in the US.

For one semester in college, I took part in a visitation ministry based on this outline called FAITH training. It was very evangelistic. We would basically cold-call people with the gospel.
With this same church, one Spring Break we went to Lima, Peru and walked around a handful of college campuses passing out English/Spanish tracts that presented the gospel.

These experiences for me did not resonate with anything true. I felt these methods of evangelism as a burden. An obligation. A task to check off the Christian to-do list.

Still in college, I started to consider signing up with a missionary sending organization. Something long term. Something bigger. Short term trips and one-time visits didn't give me the opportunity to build any sort of relationship. I researched many mission organizations. Considered YWAM. I had discovered that Jesus was not about a bunch of churchy activities, rather he was a person with whom I had a developing relationship with. I wanted to share that. I felt called. But I was told by many that I had to finish college. It was the wisest path. If I left I would never return. Never finish. So I stayed. I ignored the call. And then I got distracted by the world and its pursuits for a few years.

Jesus continued to pursue me though. Our relationship continued to develop. He reached in deeper.

A few years after college I started teaching middle school girls through True Love Waits. During this same time I started cooking for some of my church family one night a week. In this opportunity I felt as though I was doing something practical. Something I'd been given a passion for and was willing to develop the skills to accomplish. I was serving. Loving. Meeting a need.

These are only some of the garments hanging in my closet, and viewing them through the lens of JP's book, (and in an effort to bring this post to a close) I can see that yes, evangelism is not enough. Evangelizing people in a vacuum void of any other form of relationship building will be ineffectual.
As you live with people and get to know people you are then able to sense where their needs are and offer assistance accordingly - the felt need.

For me, JP's Community Development strategy of Relocation, Reconciliation, and Redistribution harnesses the power of Christ to lead us to the poor and oppressed, to love those who are different from us, and to live amid a body of believers, and make disciples.

The following poem is used as a philosophical guide to those working on Christian Community Development:

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have:
But of the best leaders
When their task is done
The people will remark
"We have done it ourselves."

Everyday is anoTHEr day.

2011-10-10T12:58:00.000-05:00

The Fullers - the friends partially responsible for my move to LA - have gotten into the habit the past 3 Saturdays of making pancakes and inviting anyone in our group to come. "Our group" really just consists of the folks that are taking part in our church plant and various friend-like personages. Typically its been just the folks that live in the same apartment building as the Fullers and myself from two buildings down.

This past Saturday morning I hadn't heard anything. I'd slept in. Woke up and had a quick bowl of cereal, put water to boil and toast in the toaster. Putting my coffee together and devouring my toast with Justin's Chocolate Peanut Butter, I get a text to see if I was coming. I'd just stuffed my face but decided to walk over just to hang with them... and I did have a container of iced coffee left over from closing up at Starbucks from the night before that I could contribute.

Walked in the door and was astonished to see the group that was gathered. I'd barely changed out of my pjs and probably had mascara smudged under my eyes! But soccer had started at the recreation center across the street so the Browns were present. Another surprise guest was the Fuller-brother who was on a road trip with his girlfriend headed to Joshua Tree. And the Fuller resident couch-crasher also had his buddy present. So in addition to the ones I'd expected to see, The Garcias, The Dukes, all counted there were about 18 people in the apartment. More were across the street playing soccer to arrive later.

I wish I could convey how beautiful it was to see all these people gathered. Not coming from a large family - only one older sibling who was out of the house by the time I was 10 years old, and being single myself - these kind of spontaneous gatherings make a huge impression on me. Unplanned. There was no designation of who brings what. I happened to have a gallon of iced coffee and an unopened package of Applewood Smoked Bacon from Whole Foods (that I walked back home to get) to contribute to the breakfast. Being able to contribute these things, but not having planned that in advance is what reminds me our best efforts are still nothing compared to the power of His might.

I think we all received a blessing from that breakfast. That gathering. The conversation. Life-shared. The Presence was felt. It's not about us. Everyday is anoTHEr day.

And then the prayer is: Each day be responsible to what you are responsible for, all the while being available to the Spirit at work.

Even Still and Evermore.

2011-09-28T15:04:00.000-05:00

As of last Thursday, the divorce is final. It's been a long time in the making. Acquantances for 10+ years. Married for 2 years and 2 months, Separated for 2 years and 3 months. Divorced for less than 1 week.
It's no wonder I don't really know how to respond. How should I respond?

I'm not grieving for him anymore.
I don't even feel anything for him anymore. Except maybe pity.

But at the same time, I didn't want it to happen. It was all his idea. His doing. I fought it. Hard.
And yet now, I am kind of glad to have him out of my life. And with no children in the picture I'll never have to speak to him again. And he is 1,572 miles away so I can safely say I'll likely never see him again.

But I want to be married. I want to start a family. I want to be in a relationship that survives hard times. To be known, and to be loved regardless.
Maybe I'll get married again. I'd like to. But what if I don't?

Maybe I can have all of those things even if I don't get married again. I could try to adopt. Or foster children.
I have great relationships here with my people, and I can love on their children.

For now, it's one day at a time. Learning and growing even still and evermore.

The Logistics of Life in Los Angeles.

2011-09-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

I have been here for close to 7 weeks. Canoga Park, LA, California.
And it honestly feels like so much longer than that already.

I've been working between 30-35 hours a week. Not as much as I'd like, but that has given me the opportunity to be available to "my people" here. We all live in close proximity to one another and share a lot of meals together. So I have the opportunity to help with preparation and with clean up. I love to cook and love to be part of a collaborative effort to prepare a meal for 10+ people (and that's a small gathering). This is one of my favorite things. It's casual. And I enjoy how we all get to see each other in a practical way - meeting a shared need. We all need to eat. Able to be social and interactive. Good day or bad. Serving. Laboring.

Sometimes life here feels just like life in the dorms in college. People are constantly coming and going. Lots of noise. People asking for help with an "assignment". Eating together. Running errands together. "Studying" together. Building a life together. Depending on one another. And if you ever had that experience in the dorms - especially your freshman year when you are still so young and the transition is so monumental - you'll know that feeling you had at the end of the year when you start realizing the pain associated with leaving - because all that time you've spent with those people was time spent building a special family! And that pain is connected to how much impact the people around have had. Maybe this is just my own unique experience.

I love the knowledge that I am still growing as a person and being challenged by these opportunities and situations both in my community and at work. I am surrounded by these catalytic experiences which are peeling back layers of self-love, perfectionism, pride - and finding more layers of the same underneath. But I believe that underneath all these dark layers of ugliness exists a core - where I imagine Jesus lives, figuratively.

So then of course I read things (like this - in Ephesians) that paint beautiful pictures of what living a life with Jesus in your heart looks like which when confronted with the reality of some of my own thoughts and feelings towards others causes me to loathe and despise my weak condition.

There is the possibility of harmonious living - one in which disagreement and opposing opinions exist but they aren't bitter and ugly - a disagreement that builds up and causes to grow. To experience relationship with other people who share this goal of becoming like Jesus Christ involves so much more than I've ever really imagined before...

I'll have more to say on this topic I imagine.

In Which I Opt OUT of Health Insurance... A Discussion with myself

2011-08-27T20:36:00.003-05:00

My opinions on this matter are not water-tight. They are leaky; if you will.

But I'd like to share them nonetheless.

Yesterday was the final day that I could sign up (or not - in my case) for Health Insurance through work for the forthcoming fiscal year.
I opted out last year because - to make a long story short - for the prior 12-month period I was mistakenly paying twice as much per month than I should have been paying, because I didn't take this health-quotient survey.
So my response to that experience was to virtually boycott the silliness of it all by going without.
I know the logic in all that is a bit sketchy, but that was that.
And now since my "boycott" year is over I am still stuck with the decision.

How do I really (hopefully wisely) decide if I will partake in our health care system!?
Weighing my options. Standing by my convictions. Willing to accept challenges.

If I sign up for health insurance, having money taken out of each paycheck, then I will have to use the insurance for all that I can, i.e. the preventative stuff... and I'll have to go to the trouble of finding doctors. So then, what if I just go the clinic route? Staying outside of insurance.
I think one of the benefits of paying for health insurance is to pay to see "better" doctors (better than clinic doctors) - but I think the best case scenario is actually to have the ability to see the SAME doctor over the course of your lifetime. They get to know you - and vice-versa. But that option isn't really mine to choose right now... not being in one place for long enough... yes. a choice I've made.

So unexpected emergencies notwithstanding, I don't plan on needing any medical attention - I could use a teeth cleaning which would likely lead to more dental work (more $$), and I could use other general health check-ups - which could lead to more expenses... So really all I see is expense.
The only upswing I see in having the expense of insurance and preventative check-ups is for one of those: "SO GOOD that we found this NOW!!" moments - but "this" could only mean expensive procedures and medical treatment - which in my current season, I am not entirely okay with. The reason for a VEGAN (ish in my case) diet is to naturally combat any potential disease and illness before it becomes a "good thing we caught this now" scenario.

So what if I just set aside the $40 every two weeks - that ends up being $4,000 a year! If I need that much medical attention I would be astonished.
If I see the amount of money that is mine and which would otherwise be going to health insurance it would lead me to be more conscious of my health.
Part of me really feels that buying in to health care fuels a wasteful mindset. I have been given one body and I need to take care of it. Be mindful of what I consume... how often I floss my teeth. Do what I can - not just expecting health insurance to be my safety net.

In Sum:

I'd like to know where my money is going - when it comes to medical procedures. And not to fuel a wasteful mindset.
If I see how much a procedure costs then it will encourage me to take better care - the motivation necessary to eat healthy and wear sunscreen... and floss my teeth.
By putting money aside for medical expenses it will also help me to value that money more than if its just coming out of my paycheck
Also - hopefully - it will give me the opportunity to find doctors who are not going to waste my money on unnecessary procedures.

Let's Cross Some Lines.

2011-08-18T17:01:00.001-05:00

I don't have all the statistics - a good buddy - Living Stones Pastor himself - is the immigration statistics aficionado, and I don't even have all the references for the facts that he's thrown out at me... but things that he has said have stuck with me enough to affect my own thoughts and meditations upon arriving in LA.

So I'll share my thoughts as just that: my thoughts... but there is a bit of a throwback involved.

Migration. People have been moving around hither and yon forever... for all time... people are always coming and going for one reason or another. Does the reason matter? Are some reasons more or less valid? And why does it seem that at base level one group starts fearing the impact of another group that enters when they start entering in large numbers or expanding and multiplying into large numbers?

Then even beyond political boundaries, there have been people crossing over social boundaries for generations too - and there used to be strong dialogue about/against this reality too - that it was good to have these boundaries. People knew their class. Their "station". They knew what was expected of them. And one should accept one's place.

Socially, I think it is safe to say, we have come to a general consensus that crossing these boundaries - trying to improve your "station in life" is acceptable. Some would even venture to say that it is encouraged to strive to improve your situation...

My own attempt to improve my "station" in life, i.e. getting a college degree, a (worthless) one that I couldn't pay for to begin with - and can barely pay for now - and couldn't find a job with... and then going to grad school to get a more specialized degree that I still couldn't pay for, and with which I still couldn't find a job... My own attempt to improve my "station" in life, actually put me in a worse off place financially. Where is the logic in that!?

I admit complete and utter defeat on that end. Not complaining... I am the proud owner of a diverse academic skill set... I am just trying (impossibly?) to make some sense of it all.

Because here I sit - thinking about all the people that move across political boundaries - in the hopes of improving their situation - or in hopes of having more opportunities, but in reality they go from a place where they have rights to a place where they have none. Where they are judged. Misunderstood. Is their life better? Or is it just different? I obviously cannot answer that question or even speak to that reality.

So in this political example, there is a body of people - a group of lawmakers (who in theory represents the population in its entirety, right?) - who determines the laws that govern this migration across political boundaries. But I would venture to say that these particular types of laws are put in place to protect monetary interests, financial success of one group OVER another group... to protect a social order. But if we agree that everyone should have the freedom to CHOOSE whether or not they want to attempt to improve their station - then how can we make these types of laws to impede their attempt? And who are we to determine who can and cannot attempt to improve their situation?

Idealistically (as Christ-followers) - we navigate ourselves - and our beliefs on these issues and how we interact with others - under the moral guidance of Christ's example in the Bible. So then I read in Ephesians for example, about how through Christ two diametrically opposed cultures - the Gentiles and the Hebrews - were brought together to share in one inheritance, as one body - as equals... and I begin to think that this is the goal! This is what I would like to seek - as much as it is up to me.

¹¹Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called "the uncircumcision" by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands— ¹²remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise,having no hope and without God in the world. ¹³But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. ¹⁴For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility ¹⁵by abolishing the law of commandments expressed inordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, ¹⁶and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. ¹⁷And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. ¹⁸For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. ¹⁹So then you are no longer strangers and aliens,^[a] but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, ²⁰ built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, ²¹ in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. ²²In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by^[b] the Spirit.

Whereas I do think that making an attempt to improve ones situation socially/politically is a good thing, I don't think it should be expected. I personally think that for some of us, the challenge IS to accept our situation and to welcome others.
Keeping people out - because they are a threat to your way of life: bad.
Keeping other people down, so that you can remain on top: bad.
So why do we (the USA - but also other 1st world countries) have the immigration laws that we do?
It's not to protect the good from the bad...

In which I have a day off...

2011-08-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

Arrived close to midnight on Monday.
Met the new store. Worked 8 hrs on Tuesday. Rode the bus home.
Worked 8 hrs on Wednesday.
On Thursday, rode out to Westlake Village to get my phone (fake) fixed. Killed some time with bagel eating and reading. Worked 8 hrs.
On Friday, rode out to Westlake Village again (saw my first movie set - gas station - the place was crazy with equipment) to get my phone (really) fixed. Killed some more time with bagel eating, coffee drinking and reading. Worked 8 hours.
Today! Saturday! Off! Unpacked. Decided to ride the bus out to Noah's Bagels - do some more bagel eating and to-do-list-making. Walked to Whole Foods from there. Rode the bus home! Cooked frijoles y arroz, chatted with the new roommates. Ate... NOW, hopefully... going to borrow a car and drive down the road to watch Goonies outdoors at Warner Park.

Dear Saint Louis,

2011-08-05T19:45:00.003-05:00

Now it's time to say goodbye.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

Don't know when I'll be back again.

It's the final countdown.

In Which I (sorta) Boast.

2011-07-28T17:10:00.000-05:00

One of my new favorite past times is to combine two loves. A new one (above) with an old (below).

I've been sucked into this new afghan project. And these mildly intriguing books by Sarah Addison Allen: The other day I finished The Sugar Queen, and today I will finish The Peach Keeper - magical realism and intrapersonal turmoil, but predictable story line and plot elements.
Perfect entertainment for knitting.

My Day is not My Own!

2011-07-26T18:58:00.002-05:00

It belongs to Overstimulation. (lack of a) Circadian Rhythm. and the ever wonderful PMS.

I'm fascinated by this idea that there are all sorts of physiological influences to the overall success of my day.

In theory, these are things that I can account for and plan around...

PMS is old school - I've been aware of that one for a very long time.

The most common physical symptoms include:

Abdominal fullness, feeling gaseous

Bloating of the abdomen

Clumsiness

Constipation or diarrhea

Food cravings

Headache

Less tolerance for noises and lights

It's the others that are newer to me.

Overstimulation.

It is possible to be unhappy and stressed due to additional abnormal stimulation.

Triggers anxiety!

Can lead to sleep problems!

And in infants, an indication of overstimulation is the inability to make eye contact.

I have noticed while at work - on particularly busy days - towards the end of my shift when I am READY to get outa there... I have to force myself to look people in the eye when I greet them and take their order.

Circadian Rhythm.

The newest "aha" moment came the other day when I realized how varied my work schedule had become and how much that was throwing me OFF: Sleep 5hrs, Awake 23hrs, Sleep 10hrs, Awake 13hrs, Sleep 5hrs, Awake 18 hrs, Sleep 9hrs. What?! is that?

I gotta nip that one in the bud quickly.

I gotta force myself to sleep more regularly!
Because fighting exhaustion makes me cranky. And I don't like being dependent on much caffeine (the day of 23 hrs I had 12 shots of espresso). And I don't like being tired when I have to be awake... and wired when I need to be tired.

First step to fixing a problem... admitting it exists, eh?

Relegating the dollars.

2011-07-21T17:11:00.000-05:00

Not really a fun task - but I have actually found a few reasons to enjoy this moment. There are certain payments that will always exist for me. As long as I am alive. School Loans. Food. Rent.

But the fun part is discovering new ways to save money. Forget coupons.
Did you know that you can drive a 50cc scooter a.k.a moped without a drivers license and without the need to register with the state!? Granted the fastest you will be able to go is about 30mph, but as an individual, only driving around a small area - then this is all I need!

Driving a 50cc scooter could save me money in the following ways: GAS, REGISTRATION, INSURANCE. I am realizing that I am rather opposed to the "insuring" line of business anyways, and any reason I can find to be able to do without insurance, the better! I also realize this means absolutely NO other driving whatsoever... no borrowing cars... and therefore the idea is equally alluring and challenging.

Also! If I put my cell phone account on hold for a while - since I already have the iPhone - I can connect to the internet and do all the basics. No phone calls or texts. But I can still email and facebook and play words with friends... :) That could save me a HUGE chunk of change... likely it would only be temporary. I don't know if I could do that one for long term.

Those are the things that excite me during this time of intentional frugality.

Does a Great Title preclude Great Content!??

2011-07-20T14:06:00.047-05:00

(Nope.) But a great title sure can suck you in, eh?

How do I determine what other people would want to read about!? Because I have so many random thoughts that occur to me - hourly - and I often think that I could expound upon them, turning them into a blog post. And then oftener than not, I talk myself out of doing it... because I think: Who cares!? And: Who died and made me the expert!?

But since I adore lists, here goes one:

I want to make a digital St. Louis scrapbook - and imagine if people could "tag" themselves in it and leave a note... like in yearbooks. "Have a Great Summer!!"
To be dominated... To Dominate.
I know a gal that is packing up and heading off to Africa with International Justice Mission. And I am reminded that I still haven't scratched that off my list... and I amuse myself with the thought that perhaps I will make it there one day too.
The world of academia - it is so utterly different from the world of blue collar work - and I wonder a lot about which world I fit into.
Faith vs. the law... being a "Son" vs. being under "guardianship" - Galatians 3. Fascinating image of the change in relationship that takes place.
Financial turmoil. being patient. playing checkers with my debt payments.
BUY IN. Being Original? or Jumping on bandwagons? How can you really tell if you are just getting caught up in the hype of new ideas?

Is it unnatural to live alone?

2011-07-15T18:59:00.003-05:00

All of my life - save maybe 20 months or so - I have lived with someone.
That is 30-ish years.
I should know by now HOW to do it well. At the very least, I should be able to do it better than I do.

Someone I am living with recently confronted me with: I sense a lot of tension between us. My knee jerk reaction: denial. I imagine there have been many times in the past when roommates have felt hostile vibes from me but didn't say anything. I would've denied it anyway!: Nope - no hostility here. Everything's fantastic! Can't you tell by the (forced) smile (resembling grimace) on my face!

Sometimes I FEEL like there is a lot of tension and hostility within me - and I don't know where to place the blame - I don't know what the source is... and oftentimes I direct it at the people I live with. Sabotage?

So I think - it would just be better for me to live alone (so that I don't have to confront these weird personal issues).
And yet I think - it is such waste of resources for so many people to be living alone! (all those sets of pots and pans that only get used once a month at best!)
Ultimately I am convinced that we are not engineered to live alone - but it is what is accepted most - and by far the easiest of the options when you reach a certain age and stage in life (I have often felt judged by people when I mention that I live with friends - and I know in the past I have judged others (boys) who still live with their parents).

At base level, I think my hostility with roommates is some weird form of self-protection.
Ya know - like the thorns on the rose bush... I am pretty :) And I don't want animals to eat me!
Ultimately. I need to learn (I've said this before!) that other.people.are.not.the.enemy. I don't like it when people point out things that I don't understand and can't put into words (Yes. I am hostile. No. I don't know why.)
But, I need people. I can't live without people. And I think that is okay.
So I guess I am looking for people that can handle a little hostility - and are willing to get thorned a little.
Good sales pitch, eh?
Anyone wanna be my roommate!?

Expectations: Yours or Mine?

2011-07-14T17:39:00.000-05:00

My favorite StL coffee shop: Kaldi's on DeMun!

I have been pondering "expectations" a lot this past month. Wondering if the things that I find myself wanting in life - are they a product of environment... culture... the society in which I live...?

Am I choosing them - or are they forced upon me?

Different people can expect certain things from me in various situations - but I realize that the interesting element is when your expectations for me differ from my expectations for me... and am I choosing your expectations for me over my own? Depending on the situation that can be bad bad bad!

As I spent the month of June in a completely new setting, I realized how my daily routine is affected by my immediate surroundings - and the influencing factor of the people that I am in relationship with - and that prompted me to think that perhaps even on a broader scale, other elements in my life can change (expectations) based on my surroundings. And that this can be a good change. A sacrificial change. A cleansing change.

I need less in my life, not more.

And being in a new environment, surrounded by new people this challenges me to shed unnecessary expectations that I am holding on to... or to even recognize the expectations that I didn't even know I was still holding on to.

Just a topic to explore... simplified expectations.

The end of a chapter... The beginning of a new!

2011-07-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

The last bit of the trip flew by in a blur of colors, sights, smells, tastes, seemingly endless driving and very little sleeping.

Pike Place Market - Seattle, Washington

Sulfur Hot Spring (STINKY!!) - Yellowstone

Buffalo! - Yellowstone NP

Ol' Faithful - Yellowstone NP

Chef Reba strikes again! - Black beans and rice, tomatoes, and Moose Drool.

Mammoth Hot Springs - Yellowstone NP

Mount Rushmore - at dawn.

Being back in Saint Louis now for 48 hours - it's kind of trippy to think I was in Yellowstone only 4 days ago. The passage of time - is at once so tangible and yet so difficult to fathom.

Now - it's good to work again. Make $ome Money. Just $ome, mind you. See some wonderful people. And prepare for the transition to Los Angeles around the beginning of August.

Oh me, Oh my, Oh-regon!

2011-07-03T00:53:00.000-05:00

I have decided.
I'm gonna raise sheep on a farm in Southern Oregon.
AND then in my spare time,
I am going to find one dish that I can cook perfectly, and start passing my days in a food cart on Division Street in Portland.
And, I am finally going to get full sleeve tattoos - because I swear eve.ry.one. sports 'em in Portland.
Of course, I will ride my bike thither and yon, with nothing less than double panniers should I decide to shop.
And, all my drinking needs shall be fulfilled by either the delicious Deschutes or Widmer brews.
I eventually... most likely... will turn into a hipster. Because lets face it. Everyone in Portland is, so it must be in the water.
And I will have to start staying up late - at least during the summer months - because folks, this is what 9:30pm looks like:

O-M-G Yo-sem-i-te!!

2011-07-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

The great greatness and splendid splendor that is YOSEMITE all started when I snagged the second to last available camping spot (first come first served, waited in line for 2.5 hours, all of which was accomplished without bathroom break, without coffee, without breakfast).

I spent my allotment of one day conquering this mad man, seen from campsite level - Yosemite Falls.

After I went to the bathroom, got my tent sent up and remedied the no breakfast situation, I decided to go for a walk to the visitors center and get some fresh coffee and see some people...
belch, conversations, hydrogen peroxide poured on calf wound, kids drinking capri sun, tap tap tap of the keyboard across from me, cool breeze, bright sun, comfort of knowing I have a spot to camp, last tomato, last swig of coffee, kids on sholders riding into the store, manners, politeness, crinkling of paper sac, feeling the pull of a hike...

The visual reward of an easy hike: the Lower Falls (Yosemite Falls has two main sections...)

It's noon by the time I venture up the 3.5 miles to Upper Yosemite Falls. An elevation gain of 3,000 feet...

And I kid you not - this bird followed me the entire way. At first I thought it was a coincidence... until I saw him twice more on the way up and once on the way down!

It may have taken me 5 hours - but I made it to the tip top... so over my left shoulder the water is falling 3,000 feet. This hike is by far my favorite - beating out the Grand Canyon for very subjective reasons like my preference for woodsy, piney, mountainous terrain over anything closely resembling the desert... or chains. I also have this crazy thing for water - I grasped this fully while sitting on the beaches of LA last week. The sound. The refreshing quality. The absolute basic importance of water for life. The mist. The coolness.
Also... for the record... I made the trip back down to camp in 1hr 45... my knees, my quads, my heels were all on fire. I didn't stop once. That was great fun. I passed these two burly European guys in the process and I think they were kind of put off that I was going quicker than they were. We can just credit my amazing hiking boots... because seriously, I was convinced I was going to have blisters to show as a battle wound. But nope.

The fall!

The view!

My beloved campsite.

On the drive out this morning - The Valley.

So now I sit recharging the camera battery - wiped it out in one very full day! And now I'm off again!

Just a 12 y-o at heart who gets lost in an Atlas.

2011-06-29T21:55:00.000-05:00

So the beginning of the return trip has been slow and easy - and will continue to be so based on how many stops I've planned... it's that last 15 hour leg that I dread.

The campground that I found for tonight is an RV Park with a dozen or so campsites and there is a nice river right in front of my site.

It even has a short waterfall - so the sounds are wonderful.

The sun is summer hot, but the breeze is spring cool so the combo is pleasant.

I've spent my time here so far entering in the way points to the GPS brain.
I wanted to get the entire route entered in. I started with St. Louis - final destination - and worked my way backwards.
Keystone, SD (Mt. Rushmore)
Gardiner, MT (Yellowstone)
Missoula, MT (Rest Stop off the Interstate)
Seattle, WA (Mars Hill, Ballard Campus)
Portland, OR (B&B treat!)
Crater Lake NP
Yosemite NP - Which when I tried to enter said my route was too long... HA!. It did calculate the total drive at 69 hours, whereas when I originally put the route together on google I got 60 hours... so who knows.

I also have out the Rand McNally Road Atlas. I keep getting lost in its wonderful bright colored pages rich in informative details. Sometimes I surprise myself with how engrossing maps are. I trully relate to Margaret Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility in that regard. At heart, I'm just a 12 year old who gets lost in an Atlas - I mean who has heard of the Pacific Crest National Scenic Trail!? But it transverses the entire west coast from top to bottom - just like the Appalachian Trail does the East.
Perhaps my nephew labeling me a nerd is a title more profoundly accurate than he even realizes. He thinks it just applies to my bookishness.

Books... I started listening to the audiobook version of A Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet (by David Mitchell), in earnest on the 4 hour drive here. Got through roughly 7 chapters. Mr. De Z has a dominating characteristic of naive innocence and it definitely makes you feel some concern at his inevitable demise... to say nothing of the fact that it's first chapter was the most grotesquely detailed labor scene...

Will be breaking out the backpacking stove here shortly as the dinner time hunger is setting in...

Cheers!

Major fun, Major friends, Major Pacific, Major Cali, Major Challenges, Major Life.

2011-06-28T13:45:00.000-05:00

We had a little Univ. of Texas reunion over here in Los Angeles. Hook 'em.

Every few years some gals I know from college meet up at a random local somewhere in the lower 48 to swap stories, share meals, give parenting advice, receive some life coaching, encouragement, see some sights, and be uber challenged to appreciate the life God has placed in our respective hands.

In all honestly - all I did/felt was that challenge bit. Enough with the challenges already, eh?

I absolutely, positively love having these gals in my sphere... but as I was sharing with one gal, driving to LAX: No one ends up with a life that they could have anticipated, we all have major upsets and disappointments, we all have questions that we can't seem to find answers to, we do things wrong, we do things right... but I was wrecked... completely... from living 5 days with these gals who (I always and ever spin things as dramatically as I can, eh?) all had things that I longed for. All that thankfulness that I felt for this opportunity to take this road trip was sucked. out. of. my. heart.

It was like having the wind knocked out of me.

I couldn't find my footing.

The lies were like the noonday sun. I was staring at them. I was blinded.

I wasn't good enough. I was less. I was living an insufficient life. I was wrong. Pathetic. Weird. Too different. Difficult. blah, blah, blah.

That's not the end. Yes. My life is not what I could have ever expected. Sometimes this is an amazing thing to think about. Sometimes I receive that truth like the gift that it is. But sometimes I feel ashamed that my life is not more like theirs. It's still not the end. I am 32 and I can do. things. that. bring. glory. to. the. God. that. gives. me. life.

So here are some sights, and some of the gals:

Santa Monica Pier

Runyon Canyon: awesome hike with a view of the Hollywood sign

Freezing our butts off at Leo Carillo State Beach... watching the waves and the surfers.

Malibu Seafood: GREAT view of the beach - we waited in line for 30 minutes to eat at this place.

Living Stones church - second gathering.

And life carries on.

Working on my self talk.

2011-06-28T01:14:00.000-05:00

Don't worry about what people think...
Don't fret over what other people say or do...
Choose to do or not to do. Then rest. in that decision.
Other people are not the enemy. They may be used by the enemy, but they are not the.
Constantly let go of your constant need for constant affirmation.
out Figure pri. or. ities. your
Listen to wisdom not lies.

Pondering the Valley...

2011-06-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

I found a great city hike - Wilacre Park. It was all up hill - except of course for the part where I turned around to head back to the car.

Pretty impressive in my book. Forget Hollywood Blvd. Although I am looking forward to seeing the Hollywood Sign - if only for a photo op.

As I was paging through the travel literature to pick out some sights to explore - I realized that there is so much in California that I would love to see. Like, ya know - at least enough stuff to keep me busy for a few years! Then I can move on to another state! Perhaps Oregon.
I jest... but there is also a lot of truth hidden in that statement.
I was climbing - ever so slowly - out of a valley when I arrived in Saint Louis. Now I can turn around and look back at that valley and be amazed by it. The unique beauty of it. But I do feel the need to keep moving on... in life... and see what comes my way... who comes my way.

But next up on life's agenda is going to be to spend a few years in Los Angeles... Starting August 1, 2011.
Until then, it's still vacation time.

Planning out the Big Return

2011-06-20T14:23:00.001-05:00

2 days and 11 hours of DRIVING!

View The Return of the Reba in a larger map

Los Angeles VS. Saint Louis

2011-06-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

Lotsa things on the table here. Lotsa questions being asked. Of myself. Of others. Of your mom.

What do I really believe about life? What am I willing to do? Can I sacrifice? Would I survive? What is life? What is sacrifice? What is survival?

All I can think of is: Double-you-tea-efffff. I have no idea what the answers are!!!
What matters most??? Because it's not me. But I kinda wish it was. Just being honest.

I have been blessed with the gift of choice between two options:

Los Angeles Vs. Saint Louis
Dig in to the ministry going on here in Canoga Park via the church plant that my friends are pouring themselves into: Living Stones. Find a job. Live with my friend peeps... and eventually get my own place. Serve this community. Be available. VERSES Carrying on in Saint Louis, life as usual.
The challenges involved:
Language/Culture - the Canoga Park area of Los Angeles County is predominantly Hispanic and Spanish speaking. This doesn't seem entirely foreign to me having grown up in Alief where my bffs were always Spanish speaking. But I am still white... and there are still stereotypes all around. And I would still have a lot to wrestle with there.
Being an Individual among (many) Family Units - at base level this is an extraordinarily difficult factor to consider because as an individual (single) I feel inferior. This is my own doing - It's a very dirty fight that is taking place in my heart/mind: Expectations vs. Reality. Who will win? Every day I feel confronted by the disparity between my reality and my expectations. In Saint Louis I am absolutely surround by single people, and I don't feel so strange.
Superficially - There would be an interruption of the momentum and flow of the past year of my life. There have been many things that I have discovered this past year that have brought me joy and filled me with a sense of purpose and a feeling of uniqueness - The relationships that I have built and nurtured in Saint Louis, Discovering the art and past time of Knitting, Minimalism, Exploring the benefits of certain dietary options- Vegetarian menus, etc.... The topics that I have pursued over the past year are not obsolete to the life here in LA, but they are not all equally applicable or relevant.

In the end...
It's this place (ha!):

And these faces:

That might be the ones to sway me to set up camp here in the city of angels.
We shall just have to see.

The Flora and Fauna of California.

2011-06-18T15:21:00.002-05:00

Not Really. Just a few pics of some fancy plants I've noticed while out and about in LA.

I took a quick drive the other day - and I got to see UCLA, Sunset Blvd. Beverly Hills, Santa Monica Blvd (haven't been to the beach yet), East Hollywood and Hollywood Blvd. I was driving the whole time and was able to snap a few pics, but it was so traffic-y that extensive photographic documentation was a bit difficult.

No worries, because there will be more sight seeing.

Enough about the sights, eh... what about Life??? Staying with a gal, her hubs, and 4 chilies - so I am seeing a lot of this:

And making a lot of this:

The kiddos are still in school (CRAZY!!) so I've been lucky enough to see some performances:

And, ya know - having picnics in front of school waiting for the kiddos to get out:

It has been a trip. A glimpse. Diff. er. ent. to say the least. I am enjoying the vacation angle of this trip - but I think the lack of work is starting to seep in to my psyche and make me crazy. It's only (?) been 12 days sin trabajo... but it feels like a million.

My Life as a Conveyor Belt.

2011-06-15T23:13:00.000-05:00

I oft think about my life in retrospect.
I'm sure I'm the only one.
What I've been blinded by lately in my observation
In hindsight
I picture a conveyor belt life.
Step onto the belt.
Life set in motion.
And as you go, without thinking, without any effort on your end - or at least without any real thought.
Didn't say no pain.
Your life is built (yes: passive voice) into what you are now.
My challenge: Get off the belt.
Consider life in the present for once.
Rather than consider life for pre-determined future.
My life has to look THIS way. NO.
I have to make decisions for THIS eventuality. Not always.

I suppose it is a place of privilege to even be able to look back on my life and realize that I did things because the momentum around me was catching me up and into the swell.

Now, it can be between me and One Other.
I can choose to be a one-of-a-kind product.
No conveyor belts for me.
No more.

In Which a Car becomes a home... and then I arrive in LA.

2011-06-12T23:25:00.001-05:00

I decided that my fancy home on four wheels even had rooms:
This is my bedroom, with the refrigerator in one floorboard and the kitchen in the other.

This is my office:

And of course the drivers seat was my living/dining room.

I knew I could manage quite nicely with only minimal square footage!

Day 5 dawned with aforementioned 6 mile/4hour hike - and then I had to decide if I was gonna loaf around GC Park or venture the 8 hours to LA. What I REALLY REALLY wanted was to take a nap, but the car was an oven and so my only real option was to book it to LA.

I get to the interstate and am greeted by two numbers: one friendly (75 mph speed limit!)... one not:

So, after driving, taking a small cat nap at a rest stop, two cups of coffee from McDonalds, relinquishing my two apples to the California border inspections guy, catching the setting sun about an hour outside of the city:

I make it.

I'm in LA.

And what a GRAND BLACK Canyon it is... (love me some metaphors!)

2011-06-11T12:40:00.000-05:00

You've got a Black Canyon:

And you've got a Grand Canyon:

Different in scope and beauty - but they are canyons both. Forged over time by a force of nature. If that's not a metaphor for life, I dunno what is. What force of nature is forging your life's canyon?

I did the abbreviated version of the GC visit: I arrived at the Park an hour later than I thought because I thought I was on Mountain time while in Arizona, but Arizona is WEIRD and doesn't participate in daylight savings, so I was actually already on Pacific Time. (I was SO confused).
But I arrived nonetheless to this summer camp environment where people are all over the place! I get a quick glimpse of the canyon and then drive into GC Village because I gotta find a place to sleep. I was told everything would fill up quick... and it did... so I drove around found a parking lot and slept in the backseat again.

4:47 am I awake to the sun rising and get my stuff together to do a quick hike.

6 miles: 3 down - 3 up.
4 hours
3 liters of water
1 clif bar...
lots of sweat...
lots of breaks on the way up...

But I'd say this is the life, eh? The kinda life that wrecks you, leaves you altered and full of a sense of accomplishment.

As close to sunrise as I could muster:

This is as far down into the canyon as I got:

It's one more mile down to the first campground area - I have already decided that I am going back... soon... with a friend... don't know who... Sign up now if you're interested :)

In Which Reba goes from Snow capped mountains to desert capped DESERT!

2011-06-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

It was actually mentally draining going from this (That's Telluride in the background):

to this (Somewhere in the middle of the Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona):

because there were NO REST STOPS on the way. And Reba loves her some rest stops! Gotta stretch those leggies!

Heading to Grand Canyon, I took a brief detour to see a sliver of Mesa Verde National Park:

And then experienced:

The VASTNESS and DIVERSITY that is our country...

The red sand of Arizona on the sides of the hwy had wrinkles in it, from the wind?

The sense of relief at seeing a McDonalds sign after seeing NOTHING for days. weeks. no YEARS (I exagerate)

Feeling thirstier and lonlier just because I was surrounded by the desert.

Tires on the roof of a mobile home?

Indian Reservations are dreary places.

In Which Reba Learns the Hard Way... about altitude.

2011-06-08T21:00:00.000-05:00

Higher altiudes = thinner air = less oxygen = quicker fatigue.
Not the ideal scenario for attempting a descent of massive porportions.

It's Day 3 - June 8

The day started off with a nice sunrise at Pueblo, CO and as warned, the temperature had dropped during the night- but I was still suprised. I slept much better in the back seat of the car this time, I think it was just a matter of figuring out how to get comfortable. and it wasn't an oven, so that helped.

As I drove, the Arkansas river kept me company for quite some time flowing alongside Hwy 50.

Around 9:30am I arrived at Black Canyon of the Gunnison - incorporated into the National Parks system in 1999 by Bill Clinton.

My main goal here was to do some hiking - primarily I wanted to go down into the canyon - ya know, down to the river that forged the whole thing.
So I was talking to the ranger at the visitor center and thought I picked the best trail out of all options - He never used the words "hard as hell" - so I figured I was safe. No. No. No.

There was a chain.
It was a 1.5 mile trail that descends ? feet - around 3,000?

My best estimate is that I made it about 3/4 of the way. AND lemme just tell you - that was after a LOT of positive self talk and coaching on my end. It was really hard to finally give up and turn around... really hard... but I had been told the climb up is harder than the climb down.... I was running low on water... and at base level - I was just not feeling like I was going to be able to make it. I knew I'd reached the limit of Reba.

I feel like I know when to push myself and when to let up... maybe I'm wrong here. I consider myself a pretty tough gal, but this was my first real exposure this level of hiking. And now I know. It's hard as hell.

So now I just ate, gave myself a hobo bath, took some aleve... and I feel better... did discover the backs of my knees got too much sun.
Also just met the campground host who informed me that there is a neighborhood bear - had anticipated setting up the tent tonight, but I may change my mind.

Just waiting for the sunset... then hitting the sack, jack.

Stats and Pics... Down with Kansas?

2011-06-07T19:12:00.000-05:00

Sitting at Lake Pueblo State Park.

It's like a desert, with a lake and mountains in the distance.

Pretty. but different... and SO quiet, it's spooky, and it's only 6:47. And! I totally saw a prarie dog - actually staring at him right now, but he's too far for me to snap a pic.

I decided to stop here in Pueblo because I want to get to Gunnison first thing in the morning - it's still 4 hours from here, but if I had kept going I would get there super late, and I wouldn't likely get a camping spot. Plus, I had been in the car for over 24 hours and I needed desperately to spend a large chunk of time outside the car.

We are keeping a comfortable distance of 10 feet.

My impression of Kansas = wheat fields, silos, automatic watering aparati, FEED LOTS

... if Kansas disappeared, Americans would be forced to change their diet. Hmm...

I have travelled:
14 degrees longitude.
850 (ish) miles
4,500 feet elevation
3 states
1 time zone

The Small Things... and... Redefining "Stranger"

2011-06-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

I am in Hutchinson, Kansas. Starbucks. Recharging all batteries: i"Pod", phone, laptop, mifi... me.

I slept at a lovely? rest stop off of I70 last night - just past this (pic above) rest stop where I had dinner and enjoyed the sunset.

I had intended to stay at Wilson State Park but it was an hour further away and I had been making such a snails pace due to all the stopping I was doing (I'm okay with this)... that it was 10:30 and I. it. was. past. tired. bedtime.

Yes. So I climbed in the backseat - stupid florescent light outside - and tried to sleep. Succeeded for a few hours. Climbed in the front seat, passenger side, and got a few hours more. In the midst of all that, ALL I WANTED IN LIFE: to stretch my legs.

I love those moments - the ones when you appreciate the small things in life. Like a good leg stretch.

5am - using awesome GPS loaned to me by awesome friend, I rerouted myself to Gunnison, Colorado and added a way-point: Star.bucks.

One of the topics I was mulling over this morning (besides that I am horrible at video journaling) was about how I wanted to interact with "strangers" that I come into contact while on the road - at the 4 rest stops that I visited yesterday, I talked to no one. I feel like we have been programed from day 1: Don't Talk To Strangers!!! And I am interested in challenging this. We'll see.

My first attempt

2011-06-06T16:32:00.000-05:00

I don't really have much to say, I've only been on the road for 3 ish hours
I am eating a banana - just warning you - I am not an attractive eater
I am way too self-conscious to talk to a camera when there are other people around who might look over and see that I am talking to a camera... but I am trying to do more things in life that can help me to care less about what others think. very. hard. to. do.

How many keys does it take...?

2011-06-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

No keys. It is a good thing my significance is not defined by how many keys are jingling around in my pocket. Cuz right now I got only two. And I'm about to turn over both in exchange for one. So in theory, there will be no jingling going on. I'm about to be a one key gal. There are no work keys. Only a borrowed house key. A car key. And in a few hours I will only have a borrowed car key.

Doing the same thing over and over again...

2011-06-03T14:28:00.000-05:00

If it worked well the first time, there is no guarantee that it will work well the second time - in the context of life decisions and relationships. People are not formulas into which you plug in certain facts and come up with the answer on how to interact with them. Life isn't either.
But at the same time, I am not expecting something DIFFERENT to result... so, I am safe. Based on Einstein's formula, I am not insane. Oh, wait... people aren't formulas...
But I feel like in order to test what I have learned here in Saint Louis, about what is important to me and what I have begun to value above all - in order to put those lessons learned to the test I have to go somewhere else. I have to see if this is really ME learning these things... or if it is just the environment that I am in.

Enter, California. :)

Getting a taste for adventure?

2011-06-02T21:09:00.000-05:00

T-minus 4 days.
Today, AFTER (thankfully!) driving around with a 5 month old baby in my back seat, I was on my way to the AT&T store to see about a mobile card for my laptop so that I can stay in relative touch with the world while in the wilds of Colorado and Arizona on my way to California, when.... I got a flat tire!

Knee jerk reaction: What? Really? Now? Why? Do I hafta?

But. Why not now? I pulled into the Whole Foods parking lot... my second home... third?... I have so many it seems, and I changed that stinking tire like it was as easy as changing a light bulb.

Now. This really is a simple thing - almost not worth telling - except for of course now I KNOW... I know that if I am driving in the wilds of Arizona next week and I get a flat tire, I won't even think twice. Cuz I got it under control.

I think we call this empowerment.

In which I ponder an "OPPORTUNITY"

2011-06-01T20:56:00.000-05:00

We all have opportunities which differ dramatically from another's.
We have unique talents and abilities.
We live in a distinct time and place.
Can't covet your life.
Can't have your life.
You can't have my life.
Probably don't want my life.
Paths intersect. Paths are momentarily shared.
My. life. is. not. my. own.
I don't fully understand this opportunity. So I will stop expecting you to.
But I trust in it as though it was crafted for me by a master.
There is this crazy peace in the midst of the most massive chaos.
Smiling when I am ex.haust.ed.
Learning the balance between free fall and controlled dive. How to navigate in and out and between the two.
Making plans and then adjusting them.
This opportunity is lovely. For me.
Your opportunity is lovely. For you.

It's seriously a MASS CONVERGENCE of life changes here.

2011-05-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

End of a lease: Selling and donating everything except clothes, dishes, some kitchen stuff, other basics like laptop and kindle, camping gear... haven't counted it up yet, but I think it's close to minimal.
End of a marriage: This is the kicker of course... 2 years of waiting for him to follow through on the decision he made June 2, 2009. I got the papers in the mail.
Beginning (almost) of a 30 trip: I've found (via RSS) other floaters out there... and I am fascinated by how many people can choose to do the same exact thing, but have completely different reasons for doing it. And its the REASONS for doing the thing that matter more than the THING itself, eh? And it is so easy for others to assume they know why I am taking these 30 days... but only a few people know the whole story... maybe I'll divulge all along the way.

t minus 6 days... Expectations.

2011-05-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

EXPECTATIONS!! I got 'em.
You got 'em.
Your mom's got 'em.
Do you ever sit down and think about what yours are? If you're like me, you know -intimately- what your mom's are... but I think it's helpful, when approaching a new chapter, OR JUST A BIG ADVENTURE, or just a new day, to figure out what your expectations are.
I did this the other day in regards to my little west coast excursion.
And I think my little mini-adventure yesterday is indicative of what I expect to happen repeatedly over the 30 days as I float around west of 90 Long.
Simply put: I expect hiccups. I expect to get frustrated at some minute detail or another. I expect to get lost somewhere, twisted around into taking a long way to Los Angeles. ha ha. But I also know that as a result of those things, I can also expect to learn important things like: Ask for help; Enjoy an extra long walk; Don't implicitly trust google.
Honestly though, I also expect to enjoy the sun, appreciate the breeze, and other amazingly simple things that are so easy for me to take advantage of... like having yummy coffee .always. at my fingertips.

Second Chances... Spinning Life

2011-04-19T16:23:00.000-05:00

Situations, events, REALITY... all have such different meanings depending on how we spin them - how we choose to attribute meaning. You think you understand (what you're trying to understand) and then you look at it from a new angle... and instantly! you're flummoxed.

The End of the World? or A New Beginning?

A Most Heartbreaking Loss? or The Only Way to Shake Some Sense Into You?

The Biggest Mistake of Your Life? or The Most Intimate Experience of Forgiveness and Grace and Mercy?

Just imagine if each time "something" happened, we were able to interpret it this way!?
I have encountered one of these moments recently. I have been able to re-interpret my present state of affairs. It's as though someone flipped a switch; a light has gone off. I'm officially flummoxed - and I'm loving it.

Pre-flipped-switch, the situation was:
I decided to get married a few years ago. He claimed to be a Christian, he gave lip service. Despite the barrage of waving red flags, I followed through. I thought this was my meal ticket to the life I was designed for. Be fruitful and multiply, right? Two years later, the bottom fell out. He decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I was left. Reeling. Now what? How would I be able to live this Life - ya know - the one I was meant to Live?

Cue the switch. Flip.
What if... the Life you were meant to Live... is (now don't y'all be o-fended now - I'm not pointing fingers at anyone else but me) not the cookie-cutter-paper-doll-pre-fabricated life that you thought you were supposed to live... but is in fact something else entirely. You've been given a Second Chance... to Live the Life. So quit trying to pigeon-hole yourself. Quit trying to figure out if you are ever going to have that life - the one you thought you were supposed to live. Go find a square hole for your square-pegged-self. (I like idioms... and metaphors... and I like talking to myself in the third-person.) Surrender your grasp on your misguided understanding of what you are supposed to want from life - and allow yourself to be open-minded enough to consider something different. It's okay to want something different than what everyone else wants. You don't have to keep up with the Joneses. Screw the Joneses.

Minimalism: How far is too far?

2011-04-11T19:05:00.000-05:00

I have NO idea how to answer this question!

I have "joked" around with some friends - you know how you "joke" around with people in attempt to test the waters on ideas that you are flirting with? - on the topic of not signing a lease and choosing to stay with various friends/acquaintances for 2 week stints (an act I've learned is dubbed couch surfing). There is a definite FREELOADER vibe that surfaces when I seriously consider this idea... I would never want to blatantly take advantage of someones hospitality...

I also wrestle with the reality of having an education but choosing to work at a job that neither requires that education nor pays me for it. I had an impromptu conversation today with a customer at Sbx about this - I don't want to become a store manager - and there are so many reasons for this - but I would rather cut things out of my life and make things work on the money that I am currently making than to take up more stress so that I can make more money. I am glad to work my butt off in order to earn a month long road trip :)

View June 2011 in a larger map

THIS is a reward to me.

So I ask myself: Can I make this life work? Is it asking for too much? Am I being irresponsible? A Freeloader? - that I would rather work at Starbucks as a supervisor - with freedom - albeit few possessions - and live rent free (or free-ish).

Part of me just wants to buck this idea that my life doesn't begin until I "settle down" - "find a job" - "start a family"... I think I've already been living, thank you very much.

A Journey, Long Overdue

2011-04-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

I am learning - ever. so. slowly... and. not. quite. fully.yet... about the person that I am. Not the person that my mother thinks I am, or that my friends think I am, or that a significant other thinks I am.
This is very strange. To discover me - still in the context of others who have known me and those who are getting to know me, yes - but more so than ever before (I think) in the context of this dynamic, other worldly, unseen Creator of my Life.
I am also taking an actual journey. West. For one month. I love the poetry of traveling. To dedicate yourself to seeing and sensing this world, in all its diversity and absorbed in smalls portions pieced together over an extended period of time.
I'm stoked.

Depressed much lately?

2011-03-17T13:19:00.000-05:00

A super-friend of mine has recently started blogging about her walk with depression. She says that depression is something that nobody wants to talk about. So I'd like to talk about it.

What is depression? I think depression is this interesting combination of diagnosable condition AND subjective reality. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance but it is experienced by a very real person in a very real world. You cannot separate the person from depression, they come together. Package deal. If you deny the depression. You deny the person.

So.

How do you respond to someone with depression? A customer came in today, woman, bald as bald can be. She can't hide that reality - of course, she could wear a wig or a scarf or something, sure. But her baldness is a very visible sign: She. has. suffered. through. something. Seeing this customer - when I have been thinking a lot about how to respect and care for someone who is struggling - I wanted to ask about the struggle that she has obviously gone through which brought her to this place where she can boldly walk into a public place without a hair on her head. I didn't ask. But I admired that courage in her. Not afraid to keep it real.

In the context of an established relationship (not a stranger) - I find myself challenged to not ignore the struggle - whatever struggle - that someone is struggling through. Show concern. Ask questions. Don't avoid. Don't ignore. Don't try to pretend like you understand. Don't talk down. Be careful with humor (always).
But at the same time - I think how we respond to someones struggle is also LARGELY affected by how THAT person carries their struggle.... so as with any relationship... keep it real

Those are my thoughts on depression. for now.

Become a homeowner without taking out a loan?!

2011-03-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

Whoever said you couldn't become a homeowner for less than $10,000 obviously hadn't looked here.
Driving all throughout Texas this weekend I kept noticing these totally cute sheds that were for sell at various building supply stores that happened to be not far off the back roads I was driving on... And I couldn't help bit think - this could be my one room palace!
Now only to find a place to put it.

Life With 100 Possessions... ready, go!

2011-03-08T12:25:00.000-06:00

I am going to attempt a possessions purge of massive proportions over the course of the next 2 months. I would like to sell as much as possible - anything that is worth selling - and then give the rest away.
I am also convinced that I should stop striving to find a job that will fit the lifestyle I am living/ want to live... and start living the lifestyle that fits within the budget of the job I already have. I have improved leaps and bounds in this area over the course of the past year, but I think I can improve even more still.
I am drawing my inspiration from many sources:

A deep-seated, long-held belief that I have. too. much. stuff.
The reality of income/expenditure... and these our current economic times.
Those who have gone before me: Tammy Strobel, Dee Williams, and many others that I am still stumbling across
Conversations with friends who concur with the benefits involved.

I don't really imagine that I will be all NAZI on the subject, cuz, I know my heart, but I am seriously determined.
Hold me accountable!

Life Imitating Art?

2011-02-26T21:53:00.000-06:00

This question popped into my head this morning... Do you ever REALLY think about this. In regards to your life?? Does Life imitate art more than Art imitates life?
So I'm going to my first show since Santigold at the House of Blues before I left Houston in 2009.
I'm finally seeing Pete Yorn. He's been with me since 2001 when I was told he was cool by musician friend of mine that I worked with at Starbucks in Austin... and when I stumbled across the album Musicforthemorningafter for 7.99 at Target, I snatched it up. WHY do I remember all these details? It's kind of obsessive. I could keep going, but I don't think anyone else is really interested.
Skip forward over a lot of sordid Pete Yorn related details, and here I am. Preparing to see him (and Ben Kweller at that - from Austin - one of my steel guitar-blue-grassy sounding brothers).
And when I listen to Pete Yorn in preparation for the show tomorrow, I ask myself, How much of my life is reflected in the Art that I surround myself with? If you took the Art out of my world, would I still have a life? etc...

Name of the Wind (Patrick Rothfuss)

2010-04-15T06:12:00.000-05:00

I have been nursing this book for about 3 weeks.
In my defense it is close to 700 pages and who knows how many words per page, but I am surprised that it took me this long to get through it. It really was a great book.

I think everything the author accomplished in this story, he accomplished it with style and skill. He is essentially weaving two stories throughout, one that took place in the past, and one that is taking place in the present. And the "cliffhanger" that pumps you up for the yet-to-be-published sequel relates to the present-tense story more-so than the past-tense story, even though 90% of the book is spent telling the past-tense story.

The book includes all key elements that I enjoy most in my characters and the plots that allow us to get to know them: Innocence, Genius/Talent/Skill/Thirst for Knowledge, Bravery, Adversity, Adventure, Passion, Romance.

Most of all, at this point in my life, I was probably struck hardest by the character's experience of poverty and his striving to accomplish his goals/dreams in the face of adversity.

There really was nothing about this book that I didn't like.

Pairing music with books

2010-03-24T11:30:00.008-05:00

I had this moment last year while reading Fragile Eternity by Melissa Marr, lying in bed, listening to Portishead on my iPod - I was struck by how amazing the two complimented each other. The music seemed to intensify the book and vice versa!

It truly makes me think there must be so many more of these combinations and I hope to find some more in the future. Have you ever stumbled across one?

My current state is coincidental and not quite complimentary, but irrespective of the other I am enjoying each one.
Reading:
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, recommended by a friend who has deep roots in the world of Fantasy.
What do I think? I am only 50 pages into it, a work of 650 pages, so I suppose I am impressed with the books success at hooking me somehow - there is something about the unpredictability of the main character and the plot as introduced.
Listening:
Corinne Bailey Rae, recommended by a friend at Starbucks
What do I think? Jazzy, mellow, soothing, hmm... would be fitting background music for a novel about a courageous young woman about to make a mark on the world.

Do-dads, Vol. 1, Issue 2

2010-03-06T14:33:00.004-06:00

On my mind:

I finished a quite innocent little piece that highlighted a swoon-inducing perspective on the romance of regency England; The Season by Sarah Maclean.
Spent a lot of time this morning contemplating the art that is teaching; the art that is learning.
I went to a job fair this morning which highlighted the inescapable existence of the "art" of networking... or something like that which I don't do.
Oh, to be matched, not coddled, but challenged and inspired, free but guided, fearless in one's opinions, but willing to consider another's
The Joy of learning piano via the hymns that live in a pivotal corner of the web of my psyche.
Ubuntu

Desultory Doo-dads

2009-08-11T13:29:00.000-05:00

I took a bloggin' hiatus while circumstances wrecked havoc with my life.

But here I am, alive and kickin' butt.

The Desultory Doo-dads list, vol.1, issue 1

What is it? A list of the various and sundry items which I choose to include: books, movies, words, letters, technology, life, community living, church, relationships...

Dictionary.com says of "desultory" - lacking in consistency, constancy, or visible order, disconnected; fitful; digressing from or unconnected with the main subject; random

My new favorite word: Doo-dads

Don't forget to pack up all those doo-dads from the office.

I've moved to St.Louis, from Houston. I have been offered a room at a friends house until I can find a job and put my things in order. My friend lives in U-City, which is blocks from Washington University. sigh, I love college towns. So much hubris, beauty, style, excess... so much life - it seeps like a thick London fog through the seams formed by the streets and alleyways.
Drinking coffee on the corner of Delmar and Leland, watching peeps, listening to tunes - right now, Modest Mouse, Ocean Breathes Salty.
Watched Julie & Julia - makes me want to blog, cook, go to Paris, speak French, and eat tons of butter, and be loved again by the husband.
Reading The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson. It seems like every other Swedish name has a double "s". I wonder, are women really treated this way in Sweden?? Am I naive to be so surprised and disgusted by these male characters who have such hateful prejudices against a woman with a dominant personality?

Until Next time.

It's (almost!) MONDAY - What are YOU reading??

2009-05-17T16:48:00.000-05:00

I didn't post this last week, so I'm going to summarize by reading exploits for TWO WEEKS!!
Hosted by the hard-working blogger extraordinaire: J.Kaye

Over the last TWO weeks I completed:
Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson (Library book, new author, 1st in series) - FUN, FUN! Check out Maureen Johnson if you haven't yet, she's worth it!! She is also an avid twitterer (@maureenjohnson)

Tantalize by Cynthia Leitich Smith (audiobook, new author) - Vampires in Austin, yeah.

Impulse by Ellen Hopkins (audiobook) - Such an emotional read. Seriously NOT for the faint of heart, but nonetheless (therefore?) AMAZINGLY REAL.

Fables, Vol. 1: Legends in Exile by Bill Willingham (Comic Book, New author, RYOB) - I bought this on Free Comic Book day because it was recommended to me by @Vasilly and I totally loved the concept: Fairy Tale characters living in hiding in the big city. So much fun. Not for the young kiddos.

Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews (new author, RYOB, Blogger Budd recommendation, 1st in series) - I heard about this book via a goodreads friend Angie. I was dying to try the Urban Fantasy genre and she had so much love for these books that I decided to invest. Worth it. Yay!

Magic Burns by Ilona Andrews

Fragile Eternity Melissa Marr (RYOB) - And the Fairy Court saga continues, will Seth become a fairy so that he can spend the rest of his life with Aislynn??? Marr is great at splaying her characters, you really get into their heads, and in doing so you EASILY form judgments on them. That's all I'm going to say 'bout that. I'll refrain from sharing my judgments, but I definitely have my thoughts about them.

Terrier, Beka Cooper Book 1 by Tamora Pierce (audiobook, 1st in series, library book) - I loooove Beka Cooper. I picked this book up b/c a second has just come out, Bloodhound, and b/c I was reminded by Melissa Marr how great and strong her female characters are (She was in town a few weeks back and she described Tamora Pierce as a writer of VERY STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS and that description intrigued me.) She is totally right. I've read other books by Pierce - Trickster's Choice and First Test - all have STRONG female leads, and all are great. I am woman, Hear me ROAR!

The Awakening by Kelley Armstrong (library book) - I enjoyed this second installment in the life of Chloe Saunders moreso than the first... easy, quick, read... good unexpected twists... but I didn't fall in love with the characters. Not amazing, just good. Not a waste of time, just eh.

It's been a good few weeks. I haven't reviewed most of those books in detail, but hopefully my brief comments will sway you if you need to be swayed on any of those titles!

This week I plan on reading:
Echo in the Wind by Francine Rivers

City of Bones (Mortal Instruments Book 1) by Cassandra Clare

Then something else from the following options: (Who knows what will strike my fancy this week!!)
Rites of Spring (Break) by Diana Peterfreund
Bass Ackwards and Belly Up by Elizabeth Craft and Sara Fain
Bones of Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
You Know Where to Find Me by Rachel Cohn
Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce

What are YOU reading??

My status with the CHALLENGES:

2009-05-03T15:43:00.000-05:00

I jumped into a few challenges at the beginning of the year:
First in Series (hosted by J.Kaye) - Finished
Audiobook (hosted by J.Kaye) - Finished
New Author (hosted by Literary Escapism) - 30/50

A few months into the game I realized those weren't going to be enough of a challenge, so I joined:
Read-Your-Own-Books (hosted by MizB) - 0/8

Just last week I started my own challenge:
Blogger Buds Reading Challenge (hosted my me, yours truly: Librarian-ism-ish) - 0/8
Feel free to JOIN ME!!

Now I am also officially joining:
100+ Reading Challenge (hosted by J.Kaye) - 40/100

What about you?
How are you doing with challenges?
Do you like challenges like these?

100 + Reading Challenge

2009-05-03T15:26:00.002-05:00

Guidelines

Completed List

How to Ditch Your Fairy by Justine Larbalestier
Gossip Girl by Cecily Von Ziegesar
The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud
Sunshine by Robin McKinley
Secret Society Girl by Diana Peterfreund
Artemis Fowl Graphic Novel by Eoin Colfer
Saving Zoe by Alyson Noel
Crank by Ellen Hopkins
Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway
Little Brother by Cory Doctorow
People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks
The Shadow in the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron
Bliss by Lauren Myracle
Undiscovered Country by Lin Enger
Certain Slant of Light by Laura Whitcomb
Dust of 100 Dogs by A.S. King
Grimpow by Rafael Abalos
A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray
Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
Life Sucks by Jessica Abel
Ink Exchange by Melissa Marr
Speak by Laura Halse Anderson
Eighth Grade Bites by Heather Brewer
Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot
Princess in the Spotlight by Meg Cabot
Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Airman by Eoin Colfer
Under the Rose by Diana Peterfreund
Rebel Angels by Libba Bray
Gingerbread by Rachel Cohn
The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong
Paper Towns by John Green
Skin by Ted Dekker
Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray
Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers
The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie
Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson
Tantalize by Cynthia Leitich Smith
Impulse by Ellen Hopkins
Fables, Legends in Exile by Bill Willingham
Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews
Magic Burns by Ilona Andrews
Fragile Eternity by Melissa Marr
The Awakening by Kelley Armstrong
Terrier (Beka Cooper Bk 1) by Tamora Pierce
Echo in the Wind by Francine Rivers
City of Bones (Mortal Instruments 1) by Cassandra Clare

MY REVIEWS FOR MY 2009 READS

Tantalize (Cynthia Leitich Smith)

2009-05-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

You have a young high school girl whose bff is a mortal/werewolf hybrid who has tried to keep his distance because he doesn't really trust his own restraint, which has subsequently left girl (whose name is Quincie) feeling jaded. She's pining for him and he's remaining friendly but aloof.
Enter drama: Murder.
Suspect: BFF.

The backdrop of this tale is a quite elaborately described Vampire themed restaraunt complete with all restaraunt activities therein (planing menus and management concerns), residing in the Music Capitol of the World a.k.a Austin, fn, TEXAS.
Did I emphasize that it is full of details?

Some reviews that I read (one really) was turned off by the Austin references that saturated the story - I personally enjoyed it. I went to college in Austin and was able to reminisce with each street reference the author made. loverly.
The story was short and sweet.

You had enough time to invest sufficiently in the characters and what happened to them, but it was over before it got trite or annoying, which I personally think was key. If this story had dragged on for much longer than it was (only 5 sound discs) I probably would have become bored.

BUT I DIDN'T.

Check it out.

I think it was the restaraunt/Austin setting which makes this book unique.
rating: 3 of 5 stars
View all my reviews.

Browse inside: The Awakening (Kelley Armstrong)

2009-05-01T18:55:00.004-05:00

Browse Inside this book

Get this for your site

I found this widget at HarperTeen via Chloe's Journal which is a free online novella that Kelley Armstrong is writing about Derek and Simon (characters from the Darkest Powers series), how they got to Lyle House, told from Derek's point of view. KA posts a chapter twice a month.
I found all this via The Story Siren's blog post interview with KA herself.

My original thoughts on The Summoning, summed up were that it took too long to hook me, but hook me it did, not to mention horrid cliffhanger ending.
I've since read elsewhere that KA's Adult series Otherworld is based on a similar world (of magical people) and the those initiated into that world would have had a different understanding of this YA series of hers.
Anywho! I am looking forward to picking up the book at my library - it is on hold now, but I am waiting to finish Wicked Lovely first.

Sharin' the love!
Cheers.

Suite Scarlett (Maureen Johnson)

2009-04-29T19:19:00.001-05:00

1. This is my first Maureen Johnson.

2. Between January (when I added this title to my TBR) and now I've learned that MJ has a blog which I've read periodically (especially this month since she's been doing BEDA: Blog-Every-Day-April) and on which I've seen her oft times post pictures and/or video clips of old B/W movies with Jimmy Stewart and such.

3. I've also learned that she runs in the same circles as John Green whom I just discovered and read a few weeks ago (Paper Towns), AND whom I found to be quite the whit. I am personally convinced that whits like to run with other whits so the connection between JG and MJ boded well for MJ.

What I don't know is whether MJ had the penchant for B/W flicks before writing Suite Scarlett or as a result of SS. I wonder if the two are connected. Something about SS smelled of obsessive song and dance (Danny Kay) movie marathons. I think Spencer was quite possibly the literary embodiment of Danny Kay - physical comedian (I didn't know this was a genre of comedy until I read this book either) extraordinare.

I'm itchin' to watch some song/dance movie - what's the one where he dances on the ceiling?

Another character I enjoyed was the eccentric Mrs. Anberson. A suprising part of me wants to totally BE her. To be in that crazy/careless place in life where you have both the means to follow your every whim and the audacity to expect others to do the same.
She is this past-her-prime, whole-foods-organic-is-good-for-you, the-world-revolves-around-me-but-i-kinda-mean-well-by-it biddy.
Adventure (read:disaster?) follows her around like a puppy.
Idk. It just seems like she fn lives.her.life. and I like.

There was a sense of "Cosby-ness" or "Full House-ness" to the book as a whole. BUT it wasn't overdone or annoying, and I was totally obsessed with FH when it was fresh on TGIF, so there is definately a place for it in the world. There was conflict is SS - but not trauma. In the Sarah Dessen that I have read, (Just Listen and The Truth about Forever) there is trauma. In Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson there is trauma.

The Cosby/Full House element is when the people who are suposed to care about you DO, and they help you through your conflict - the trauma may have happened (Scarlett's little sister had Leukemia) but it's in the background and not part of the plot. In other words: we're not stupid enough to pretend that trauma doesn't exist, but we're just not going to focus on it for now.

I'm totally thinking "outloud" here, but, I feel like I'm on to something with this train of thought. Perhaps this was one of the reasons why I LOVED John Greens book Paper Towns. There was lol-humor and at the same time an experience of intense emotional trauma (depending on how you read it I s'pose). I easily connected with the emotional turmoil in PT and I loved the padding of it with funny-ness.
In Dessen's books I can also connect with the character's turmoil but (in the two that I've read) there was not the "funny" padding.

Hmm.

Anywho. Those are my thoughts on MJ's SS.

I would have no hesitation to recommend the book to YOU.

P.S.
When I first started listening to this audiobook I was at my computer (where I can't figure out how to choose the faster playback option) rather than buddin' the iPod (where I CAN listen at a faster playback rate) and this is the first time I've felt totally turned OFF by the narration!
YIKES, the poor chick reading this book sounds like an overachieving radio announcer.
Can we say... trying too hard?
Once I was able to switch it over to the 'Pod, and listen faster, it wasn't as annoying. But, ugh.

rating: 4 of 5 stars
View all my reviews.

Blogger Bud's Recommendation Challenge

2009-04-29T13:57:00.002-05:00

I want to see how many books I can read that I learned about originally from a blog that I read or from a friend's review on goodreads.
SO - I will keep an ongoing list from this point on and I will note whose review/recommendation lead me to the book.

I'm going to call it my:
Blogger Bud's Recommendation Challenge!

If you wanna join in - feel free to do so by leaving a comment or linking to your blog post where you will keep track of your Blogger Bud's Reads.

My personal goal will be to read 1 per month, so that will be 8 for the remainder of the year.

First up is going to be Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews which I just picked up from BN today.
I was intrigued by this book because of Angie's review of the newest (the 3rd) in the series which is called Magic Strikes. Also I wanted to try the "Urban Fantasy" genre that seems to be taking the world by storm.

HA! My first Mr. Linky!!

The Enchantress of Florence (Salman Rushdie)

2009-04-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

Since you've all been waiting with bated breath, here goes, My play by play Rushdie review:

This particular title landed in my TBR in an untraditional and arbitrary way. I received my monthly audible credit on the 9th and I was looking through my wish list to see which title I was going to use it on when it dawned on me that I needed to choose one that was at least the price of the monthly fee of $14.99 or else I would be getting financially gipped in a time when every penny must be allocated to its maximum potential. (The other titles on my wish list that are only $8ish should be purchased outright, and not with my 1 credit that comes with membership.)

Salman Rushdie is an author that I am convinced everyone should experience once (in the same vein as Austen, Dickens, Steinbeck and a myriad others) and since I have yet to satisfy my own conviction, I decided to use my credit to purchase a Rushdie audiobook.

I am not quite halfway through as of right now, but I am finding myself thoroughly impressed by the man's writing/tale-weaving prowess.

I have always been a dabbler in the world of writing, journaling, reading and reflecting but it has only been these past 5-ish months that I have taken my reading, reviewing and reflection to a serious level, such that I am able to read more than ever before and with a purpose, i.e. to discover:

what I like
why I like it
who is doing it
why are they doing it
how they are doing it

I have found all of these elements to be crucial to the work that is produced.

more thoughts to come as I continue to read the book...

Most recent observation on Mr. Rushdie's writing as I find myself half way through - it does NOT fair well (for me) as an audiobook. I've never realized how much I rely on the SPACE in a book to help me follow along with a story. The space really does provide so much assistance when it comes to change of narrator, flashback, flashforward... not to mention that visually seeing a character's name (especially a foreign one) helps me to remember that characater better.

I love reading a book that requires you to exercise your grey matter - and this one does the trick - I have found it difficult to multitask while listening (one of my favorite treats from an audiobook) because if I space out for the briefest of seconds, I missed a crucial tie-in.

Upon finishing the book, and reading what others had to say, I have set my mind at ease.

I was torn between Rushdie's obvious talent, immagination, oft times brutish humor and my lack of passionate, emotional involvement in the plot or characters. I never really found something potent to latch onto. At first, I concluded that there was something wrong with me. I had not the substance to appreciate the book UNTIL I read the following reviews/comments from The Guardian, NYTimes, The Australian, and the LATimes - I agreed with all they had to say basically, the good and the bad.

A sumptuous mixture of fable and history

This ingenious and ambitious novel — no less than a defense of the human imagination — left me unmoved.

This book is unusually concupiscent, even for Rushdie. Overexcited, perhaps, by the Kama Sutra, which he cites as a source, Rushdie goes to town with scenes of harem life and brothels. This novel is as much a celebration of sex, of every kind and degree of expertise, as it is of the potency of tale-telling.

Told in his habitual high style of magical realism -- Rushdie weaves a baroque fairy tale that takes us from Akbar's empire to Machiavelli's Florence.

View all my reviews.

You Tube clip o' the week: Cats

2009-04-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of Weekly Geeks Animal Theme:

Cats are so smart... maybe this one is just extra smart because it is apparently Asian.

I'm OFFICIALLY a GEEK (Weekly Geeks)!!!

2009-04-27T14:06:00.000-05:00

This week you are asked to share books (fiction or nonfiction) and/or movies which center around an animal or animals.

Which are your favorites?
Which touched your heart the most?
Which have found their way onto your wish lists or TBR stacks?
Is there a childhood favorite?
Have you ever named a pet after an animal from a book or movie?

I have been longing to participate in the Geekly fun, but haven't for one reason or other. When I saw the topic for this week I couldn't pass it up.

I don't think I will have anything profound to say that probably isn't going to be dittoed by all you other lovely geeks out there, but I'll say it nonetheless because it'll make me happy!

My "Watership Down" Story:

I was first exposed to an "animal" novel by my 7th grade English teacher. He read Watership Down by Richard Adams outloud and I remember being enthralled by those cute little bunnies and their adventures.

I didn't remember ANYTHING about the book itself, so about 2 years ago when I was putting together my own suggested reading list for MY 7th and 8th grade students I decided to re-read Watership Down to decide if it was a good as I remembered, and it was. I fell in love with those rabbits, and how truly "animal" they were - not humanized like in Redwall.

My "Redwall" Story:

In college I did some serious babysitting for some seriously well-off families (good combination!!). One of these families had a son who was in 3rd grade and was in love with the Redwall books. I had never heard of them at the time - this was 10 years ago (UGH!) - but I always remembered how cool he thought they were. I also found out around that time that my (now) husband had read a few of them (he worked at BN and had access to tons of books) and thought they were awesome.

SOOOOOO - I read Redwall and Mattimeo and loved 'em dearly.

My "pet name" Story:
Where the Red Fern Grows. Need I say more?

For my 18th birthday I was given a mini-dachshund who was the exact same color as what I envisioned the hounds from aforementioned story were: redish brown. Needless to say, I named her Annie.

My "movie-animal" Story:
Hello?? The YEARLING. Cried, cried, cried. so sad.

You too can be a geek! Join in the fun at Weekly Geeks.

It's Monday - what are YOU reading?

2009-04-27T13:16:00.001-05:00

Hosted by the hard-working blogger extraordinaire: J.Kaye

Last week I completed:
Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray (Library book, audiobook)
A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers (My own book)
Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie (My own book, audiobook) - I am actually cheating slightly as I have not quite finished this one, but I will today... so I figured I'd credit it to last week.

This week I plan on reading:
Fragile Eternity by Melissa Marr (Totally new book just out, Library Book) - The first two books in the series I listened to on audio, so it's interesting to see these familiar characters on paper.
Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson (Library book, Audiobook, New Author) - I think she runs in some of the same circles as John Green whose work I adored, so I am looking forward to this read. I've actually just started listening to it and the narrator sounds like a hyped-up radio announcer, but I am going to try to rise above and focus on the story and not let a badly produced audiobook affect my experience of a new author. (See how noble I am?)
City of Bones by Cassandra Clare (My Own Book, New Author) - I've actally had this book for a few weeks now but I got bogged down in two long reads (see above) not to mention that Fragile Eternity is a Library book and I won't be able to renew it since there are other people waiting for it.

What are YOU reading??

A Voice in the Wind (Francine Rivers)

2009-04-26T13:45:00.001-05:00

"A Slave falls in love with an aristocrat..." - it just sounds so cheesy, sure it happens in the story, but that wouldn't be what I would focus on. But any other one-liner that comes to mind sound equally cheesy. I think I just don't like one-liners period.

I liked the historical references throughout the story (I was able to put my Latin culture knowledge to use!), I really like Rivers's writing for the fact that I was never bored while reading, was never impatient for the story to "go somewhere", was never annoyed by senseless plot elements or descriptions. Every page out of the 500 included was worth it. You get to experience the characters change over time - you are allowed the time to fall in love with some and to learn to loath and detest others.

Hadassah was such a pristine figure - flawless to the end, entoxicatingly so.

rating: 4 of 5 stars
View all my reviews.

Reminisce with me!

2009-04-24T18:55:00.001-05:00

Adventures in Babysitting: I totally wanted to be chris in this movie...

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nly-bfguf4k

Sent from my iPhone

Recommendations for Mary a.k.a "The Zuke"

2009-04-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Mary on the right,
Please find below a list of books that I think you would enjoy based on what I know you've read and enjoyed in the past (Babysitter's Club, Jemina J, Voice in the Wind, Stori Telling...to name a few).
You'll notice that I supplied links to my own reviews if they exist or links to the book description via LibraryThing.com.
Enjoy!
Luv,
Rebachin a.k.a "Pecaf Ankle Pants"

Sarah Dessen: Just Listen, The Truth About Forever
Robin Benway: Audrey, Wait!
Laura Whitcomb: Certain Slant of Light
Melissa Marr: Wicked Lovely (1st in series), Ink Exchange, Fragile Eternity (just came out)
A.S. King: The Dust of 100 Dogs (a.k.a "inspiration for pirate tattoo")
Rachel Cohn: Gingerbread (1st in series), Shrimp, Cupcake
Diana Peterfreund: Secret Society Girl, Under the Rose, Rites of Spring (Break), Tap and Gown (coming out in May)
John Green: Paper Towns
Brian Jacques: Redwall (first book in series)
Robert Cormier: I am the Cheese
Sylvia Engdahl: Enchantress from the Stars
Robin McKinley: Sunshine
Steig Larrson: Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Megan McCafferty: Sloppy Firsts (first in series) - I have yet to read these actually... but I've heard positive stuff about them.
Diane Setterfield: The Thirteenth Tale
Um, The Potter Series?? Have you read that?

Sound of Music | Central Station Antwerp (Belgium)

2009-04-24T09:48:00.001-05:00

Wow! So incredible! I heart Sound of Music.
I got this link from a fellow blogger - I'll link the blog up when I'm at my computer.

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k

Sent from my iPhone

Must read authors?

2009-04-22T16:40:00.004-05:00

As I reflect on my current read, The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie, the thought occured to me: I have seen a list of the 1,000 books to read before you die but what about the list of authors that you must read before you die?

Does anyone know of such a list?
If not, who do you think should be on this list?
Why do you think these authors should be included? - b/c if you think about it - perhaps a certain author writes to a preconceived formula that works for him/her, but has managed to acquire a massive following in the process - or perhaps a certain author may have become inactive and relatively forgotten but was responsible for changing the book world by pioneering a genre - or even perhaps an author is responsible for defining a period of time so succinctly...

In my short few mintues of brainstorm, I would include:
Jane Austen
Charles Dickens
Judy Blume
John Steinbeck
Robert Cormier
C.S. Lewis
John Piper
Stephen King
Salman Rushdie
JRR Tolkien
Robert Jordan
Sarah Dessen
Orson Scott Card

(Did I mention SHORT few mintues of brainstorm?)

Who would you add??

The Book Gobbler adds:
William Shakespeare
Ray Bradbury
Zora Neal Hurston
E B White
Mark Twain
Toni Morrison

Beth adds:
Robin McKinley
Chinua Achebe
Elie Wiesel
Mark Zusak

Carrie adds:
Chekhov
Tolstoy
Wendell Berry

Gemma Doyle Trilogy (Libba Bray)

2009-04-22T15:45:00.004-05:00

I am choosing to offer up my thoughts on this book and the previous two books in the series A Great and Terrible Beauty and Rebel Angels altogether here.

I've discovered that I loathe writing reviews on books that I don't feel strongly about one way or other - especially a series like this one in which so many other respected individuals have adored.

I will say that Libba Bray is an wonderful writer and I enjoyed her elegant and detailed style. There was never a time where I felt in want of details of the physical or emotional environment in which the characters found themselves.

In Sweet Far Thing I was drawn in by the feel of gothic-ness to the writing and storyline; full of danger, death, magic and love.

There is a deep and poignant message of strife that navigates through the entire series and blooms in each of the primary characters. The strife of the woman trying to be free in a society that found a woman trapped, unable to think and do much for themselves outside of a man's protection and guidance; the strife of finding oneself in a class, cast, and position that is seemingly unchangeable; the strife of feeling and thinking things and behaving in ways that are real expressions of who you are but that others find inappropriate and unacceptable.

The biggest strife was that of Gemma - possesing an ability she doesn't understand, responsible for the future of a world she knows nothing about, unable to trust anyone in a time when she needs an elder's wisdom and guidance. I think this was my biggest frustration with the Gemma Doyle experience - I wanted her to have a Dumbledore figure that helped and carried her through this time of change, confusion and expectancy. There were various individuals which fulfilled this role in varying degrees but it was always colored by the taint of partial distrust. I just can't imagine being Gemma, so confused by what is going on and having no one to turn to for guidance, not one to trust in.

As you can see, there were many qualities about this series and author that I enjoyed and respected but it was in bits and pieces and only after some analysis and deep thought - there were also many moments throughout that I found flat and repetitive and annoying.

Overall and in conclusion, it was not at all a waste of time, I do not at all regret starting or finishing this series. It is a series that is worth your time.
rating: 3 of 5 stars

View all my reviews.

Blueberry Girl (Neil Gaiman)

2009-04-21T21:18:00.001-05:00

This is cute. I would live to have the capability to put something
like this together.

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH4lyJWa_84

Sent from my iPhone

Paper Towns (John Green)

2009-04-21T13:12:00.002-05:00

This is a book to be devoured!

I'd heard this book mentioned in the YALSA Teen Session at the ALA Midwinter Conference (I followed the session Live via the internet). I had fantastic luck with another book that was highly praised at ALA - Robin Benway's Audrey Wait - and both are totally tubular.

There were two attributes to this book that made my day. First of all there was some fantastic laugh out loud humor sandwiched between hard hitting internal monologues. Secondly, I loved witnessing Margo's search for self through the eyes of a boy who was totally knackered by her... to see her attempt at escaping what she found dreary in exchange for something that she could really feel.

I don't want to give too much away - Suffice it to say, This was some good stuff.

Thank you Mr. Green.

I look forward to checking out some of his other work, Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and check out some Green humor via his blog, Sparks Fly Up, not to mention Nerdfighters head quarters via You Tube

rating: 5 of 5 stars
View all my reviews.

Milo Ventimiglia is a Hero For Autism

2009-04-21T03:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not liking the fade but he is still my favorite hero.

Sent to you via Google Reader

Milo Ventimiglia is a Hero For Autism

Heroes hottie Milo Ventimiglia attends the "Heroes For Autism" charity auction at the Avalon Hollywood on Sunday afternoon (April 19) Los Angeles.

The concert benefited the charity Autism Speaks, which is dedicated to increasing awareness of autism spectrum disorders, to funding research into the causes, prevention and treatments for autism.

Source: justjared.buzznet.com/2009/04/20/milo-ventimiglia-heroes-for-autism/#more-300931

Sent from my iPhone

Can I post a picture to my blog from my phone?

2009-04-21T03:27:00.001-05:00

iPhone App: Indiebound

2009-04-20T14:14:00.004-05:00

I just discovered an awesome new app for you iPhoners out there which was created by Indiebound.

Book lists: Great Reads, Notables, Bestsellers

Search for books: by title, author, or ISBN

Search for Indiebound Affiliate book stores: Just type in your current location or zip code

So Cool!

Check it out, just go to the App store on your iPhone.

It's Monday - Whatchya Readin'?

2009-04-20T13:05:00.002-05:00

Hosted by the hard-working blogger extraordinaire: J.Kaye

Last week I completed:
Paper Towns by John Green (Library book, New Author, Audio)
HA! That's it! You can tell it's been a week rife with school projects and presentations to plan and prepare. (lots of p's)

Last week I abandoned:
Nothing! Although, some might consider this blasphemous, I am getting really bored of Miss Gemma Doyle... and I wanted to abandon her, but I've made it to the final book in the trilogy and I'm halfway through it, so I am going to persevere.

This week I plan on reading:
The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie (New author!, my own book - downloaded from audible, audiobook)
City of Bones by Cassandra Clare (My own book, First in series, New author)

I will finish: Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray
I will finish: A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers

RYOB 2009

2009-04-19T19:56:00.010-05:00

I mentioned how I wanted a new "Challenge" that could really be considered challenging and this is the one to fit the bill.

Read Your Own Books 2009
The reason it will be a challenge is that I am constantly finding new books that I really, really want to read and the ones I've purchased but not had a chance to read immediately often fall to the wayside.

The Challenge is hosted by MizB and the rules are simple:

set a goal for how many of your OWN books you’d like to read in 2009
read from your own collection between January 1st and December 31st, 2009

Basically I am going to make a list of books that I already own that I haven't read yet and then I am going to attempt to read 1 per month for the remainder of the year.
That will be 8 books from the following list:

The Graceling by Kristin Cashore
The High King by Lloyd Alexander
The Black Cauldron by Lloyd Alexander
Sabriel by Garth Nix
Running with the Demon by Terry Brooks
The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks
Songs in Ordinary Time by mary McGarry Morris
The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Fool by Christopher Moore
Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin
The Bookshop by Penelope Fitzgerald
I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak
Princess Academy by Shannon Hale
Size 14 is Not Fat Either by Meg Cabot
The Boelyn Inheritance by Phillipa Gregory
Midnights Children by Salman Rushdie
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Twisted by Laurie Halse Anderson
Tales of Desperaux by Kate diCamillo
Eclipse by Richard North Patterson
Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card
Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirosky
The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson
The Omnivore's Dilemma
Eat, Pray, Love by Lizabeth Gilbert
The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai
Gentlemen and Players by Joanne Harris
Citizen Vince by Jess Walter
School's Out by Christopher Dufosse
The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Jemina J by Jane Green
Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner
Mirror Mirror by Gregory Maguire
A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
Good Apprentice by Iris Murdoch
The Philosopher's Pupil by Iris Murdoch
The Country Girls Trilogy by Edna O'Brien
The Message to the Planet by Iris Murdoch
1921 by Morgan Llewelyn

If you have read any of the books from my list above - and want to make suggestions on which ones you've enjoyed - please share in my comments section below!
Cheers!

There is so much to say, so let me just make a list.

2009-04-18T20:43:00.006-05:00

Here goes, Auctioneer-speed.

I got my first blog award from SunShine T'anks!

I have books I haven't written reviews for:
Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray (Great & Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, Sweet Far Thing)
Skin by Ted Dekker
Paper Towns by John Green

I have suffering through another book that is just not cutting it, but I will read it to the end.

I came up with an idea for something that could take place regularly here at L-i-i: 30-day Favorite.
(What is your favorite book from the past 30 days?)
I tried it out in the yahoo-group that J.Kaye hosts for her reading challenges and it was really fun to see all the stuff that I'd never heard of but which had really impressed others. I added quite a few books to my goodreads shelf "to-read".

I presented at a Teaching and Learning Symposium at my University about creating a Wikispace and using it in the classroom setting. This was a big deal for me... great for the ol' resume.

Being a blogger. Blog Life. 4 months and counting. It's strange to me that people who are really CLOSE to me personally (BFFs and hubbys) are not a part of this corner of my life - they know about it and encourage it, but they do not participate in it actively. I guess it's just strange having this "thing" that you care about a lot, and then the other "things" you care about a lot are not connected to it... Like, there are tons of things in life that you can choose to care about - but they don't all have to care about each other.

Weekly Geeks: I've wanted to participate in this for weeks now, and I haven't! one.day.soon.

Blog Imp. Proj. (BIP): I feel off the boat here and I'd like to get back on the boat.

Reading Challenges.
The ones I chose (audiobook, new authors, 1st in series) were not really challenging, so I want to try my own "challenge" Read-a-book-that-you'd-never-heard-of-before-you-saw-it-mentioned-on-a-blog. I'll have to play around with that idea.
I could also just join the 100+ challenge. I've already read 35 (ish) books, so that might not be a challenge either.
Read your own books - I think this is a challenge already out there, but I don't know who hosts it. This one would be a challenge because I am an impulse book buyer and have so many that I haven't read b/c I was in the middle of reading something else when I bought it and never got around to reading.

Getting to "know" some bloggers. I subscribe to RSS feed, but I like knowing where you guys come from, but not just geographically.
I am a book blogger - a.k.a. a person who is both influenced by and influences books... It matters who YOU are when you read and review a book... and that obviously comes out in your blog (if you let it) - both in what you say in your posts other than the book review stuff, and in your layout which is NOT available in a RSS feed. I like taht aspect to this "book-bloggin' game". I think I want to challenge myself to visit blogs outside of my RSS reader more often.

I Need to go to the library and pick up books. return books.

Degree. Work. Teaching. I am in the market again for a new job. I will be attempting to find a teaching position for the Fall. I taught for two years in a private school and I learned a lot from that experience...

Speaking of work, I have to be up early, so I bid you farewall for now.

I'm gonna wind down with a little Francine Rivers A Voice in the Wind

The Summoning (Kelley Armstrong)

2009-04-14T18:44:00.002-05:00

I'm falling a little behind on my reviews which makes me sad because it means I haven't thoroughly and completely processed all they have to offer.
I acutally jotted down some notes on The Summoning and stuck them on post-it notes in the book as I was reading... ahem, but it's a library book and I returned it yesterday!

Isn't it funny how people can feel so strongly about a book... in both extremes? It's like winter in Houston. One day you'll wake up to 30 degree weather and by noon you'll be sweating through each layer in succession because it's 80 degrees outside, and all you can say is "Um... what did I miss here?"

As with The Summoning, after having finished the book I am completely gunning for the next up The Awakening - which comes out at the end of the month (April 28th I think) but it wasn't until pg 200 (out of 400) that I felt it. I remember putting a sticky note on that page which said "Finally getting good." And up until that point I was convinced that I wasn't going to bother with the next book.

The first 200 pages weren't bad... but they weren't my favorite either. They felt too plot-ish, but not even fantastic plot, it was more like..."sorry, i have to get all this boring preliminary stuff out of the way, hang on... it'll get good, just wait... here it comes"

And then by page 200 I was thinking, finally.

I'm no expert, but this makes me think that the first 200 pages could've been done better so that it didn't feel like they were dragging because when things start to come together, when you start to see the connections between the people and the other-worldly elements come into place, you see that the story does have something unique to offer the reader.

With that said, I would recommend the book, with the disclaimer: Give it to at least page 200, if you aren't convinced by that point as I was, then you can put it down.
rating: 3 of 5 stars

View all my reviews.

Tease from Goodreads:
Chloe Saunders sees dead people. Yes, like in the films. The problem is, in real life saying you see ghosts gets you a one-way ticket to the psych ward. And at 15, all Chloe wants to do is fit in at school and maybe get a boy to notice her. But when a particularly violent ghost haunts her, she gets noticed for all the wrong reasons. Her seemingly crazed behaviour earns her a trip to Lyle House, a centre for 'disturbed teens'. At first Chloe is determined to keep her head down. But then her room mate disappears after confessing she has a poltergeist, and some of the other patients also seem to be manifesting paranormal behaviour. Could that be a coincidence? Or is Lyle House not quite what it seems...? Chloe realizes that if she doesn't uncover the truth, she could be destined for a lifetime in a psychiatric hospital. Or could her fate be even worse...? Can she trust her fellow students, and does she dare reveal her dark secret?

It's Monday - What are You Reading?

2009-04-13T12:40:00.002-05:00

Hosted by the hard-working blogger extraordinaire: J.Kaye

Last week I completed:
The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong (Library book, New Author, First in Series)
Skin by Ted Dekker (Library audiobook)

Last week I abandoned:
Fanboy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga
I'd Tell You I Love You... by Ally Carter

This week I plan on reading:
A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers (my own book! - no challenges)
Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray (Library audiobook)
Paper Towns by John Green (Library audiobook)
Rites of Spring (Break) by Diana Peterfreund (Library book)
(and/or) City of Bones by Cassandra Clare (My own book, First in series, New author)

The day I abandoned 3 books.

2009-04-07T16:41:00.005-05:00

What to say?

I listened to the first 22 chapters, which is only 1/3 of the book, but I'm just not in the mood to continue... so I'm gonna stop, maybe I'll pick it back up at a later date.

The main character should take his complaints to this show that I ran across on MTV a few days ago called Bully Beatdown

For some reason it was just really hard for me to invest in the character. I didn't really care about what happened to him. I almost stopped listening to the book a few times, but I decided to keep on with the assumption that at some point I would start to care about the poor kid, but I didn't, call me a heal.

I know there is a problem with bullies in schools - but I think perhaps it affects boys more than it does girls. It would be interesting to do a little background study.

One thing that I did like, as bizarre and Columbine-ish as it was, was how Fanboy had his little "totem" that he kept in his pocket to calm him when people frustrated him... it was a bullet.

I can relate to that much at least - the need to something to calm me when people frustrate me... but it wasn't enough.

rating: 2 of 5 stars

The premise behind the book totally yanked me in: Prep School for girl spies... I mean, hello: Alias meets Gossip Girl.

But the voice was a bit too junior high for me at the moment and it was just kinda, sorta, completely outlandish and unbelievable... I mean, hello: 15 yo girls as covert ops agents?

Um, a little too over the top.

For the record, though, I do maintain that one day I could be craving some ttyl, omg speak and will want to pick this back up.

rating: 2 of 5 stars

This one I only kept around for about 75 pages (of 300). For the record, I really enjoyed the other 4, but this one just felt like it was going nowhere fast.

I wasn't convinced that there was going to be anything new and exciting going on with the characters - as if it is one of those day-time soap operas where the one hour episode should've been condensed into about 10 minutes and saved us all a lot of money.

The originality of the series carried me along the first 4 books, but I'm not sure there is any originality left in the plot line for the 5th book, although I didn't stick around to find out, did I?

rating: 2 of 5 stars

View all my reviews.

Making a narrative out of my book and reading habits:

2009-04-06T14:06:00.009-05:00

Reading is such a normal thing... you open a book and then read the words off the pages. It sounds so simple, and it is, but yet, its not...
It's great that we can still be so unique in how we enjoy and appreciate this one thing that we all share, don't ya think?

This is one way to celebrate our differences.

Celebrate with me:

Hardback, trade paperback or mass market paperback? Anything BUT mass market if at all possible... they fall apart way too fast.
Barnes & Noble or Borders? - Barnes bay-bee. I'm a member, get the discount...
Bookmark or dog-ear? I do dog-ear. I know it's sacrilegious.
Amazon or brick-and-mortar? 50/50
Alphabetize by author, or alphabetize by title, or random? Totally random. more like total and complete mess.
Keep, throw away, or sell? KEEP. I'm a book pack rat. It's a sad state of affairs.
Keep dust jacket or toss it? KEEP. (see above)
Read with dust jacket or remove it? Right now I am actually reading with the dust jacket. No rhyme or reason though.
Short story or novel? Novel. I should read more short stories I think.
Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket? Harry Potter. Those book revolutionized the industry man, they are legend.
Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks? when tired...
“It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”? It depends on the mooooood.
Buy or borrow? It depends on the economy... right now? It's borrow all the way. Unless it's something I can't live without or that I think my hubby will like or someone else I know.
Tidy ending or cliffhanger? Tidy.
Morning reading, afternoon reading, or nighttime reading? They all work equally well for me.
Stand-alone or series? I'm flexible.
Favorite series?
Favorite children’s book? Chicka, Chicka, Boom, Boom
Favorite YA book? no way man, can't do it, will cause brain aneurism.
Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
Favorite books read last year? It's a toss up between Girl With a Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson and Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
Favorite books of all time? Only because they go so "way back" with me... and are really responsible from bringing me back from the "dark side" of i'm-in-high-school-i-hate-books: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Pride and Prejudice by Austen, Tale of Two Cities by Dickens, Grapes of Wrath by Steinbeck.
What are you reading right now? Hunted by P.C. Cast
What are you reading next? I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter, and Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray
Favorite book to re-read? Pride and Prejudice or Jane Eyre
Do you ever smell books? yes, and since I'm being asked this question, I maintain that it is not strange behavior
Do you ever read primary source documents like letters or diaries? Does Princess Diaries count? j/k. not really.

It's - a - Monday. What are YOU reading??

2009-04-06T12:33:00.006-05:00

Hosted by the hard-working blogger extraordinaire: J.Kaye

Last week I completed:
Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Airman by Eoin Colfer
Under the Rose by Diana Peterfreund
Rebel Angels by Libba Bray
Gingerbread by Rachel Cohn

This week I plan on reading:
I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter (audio - Library)
The Summoning by Kelley Armstong (Library book)
Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray (audio - Library)
Hunted by P.C. Cast (my own purchased copy - more and more rare occasion these days)

This week I will receive in the mail:
(So many of you's guy's 'ave been talking 'bout these)
City of Bones by Cassandra Clare (purchased from BN - online)
City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare (purchased from BN - online)
City of Glass by Cassandra Clare (purchased from BN - online)

Under the Rose (Diana Peterfreund)

2009-04-06T12:11:00.007-05:00

Amy Haskel - super smart sex pot.

This book didn't hit me up-side the head like the first one did with some hard core "girl power"... although Amy is definitely the babe with the power (what power?) the power of voodoo (who do? you do! remind me of the babe. [sorry:])

Amy is adjusting to life in the powerful Rose and Grave... and boy and friends and social life and school. That seems to be the basic premise - there is of course the question of who is leaking the R&G secrets although it's not really much of a secret, the foreshadowing is quite obvious as to who is responsible, so it did kinda bug me that even though you're fairly convinced that Amy is on to the culprit she doesn't do anything about it until it's life or death... but whatevah.

The culprit's explanation is satisfying and plausible.

And you can't help but get involved in the poor girl's (Amy's) sordid love life. I want to read the next book in the series Rites of Spring Break just to find out what boy path she decides to take. The final installment Tap and Gown is due out in a few weeks too.

rating: 4 of 5 stars
View all my reviews.

The author is an avid blogger - check out her website.
She also tweets @dpeterfreund

Gingerbread (Rachel Cohn)

2009-04-06T11:10:00.003-05:00

I think I am a very forgiving person... at least when it comes to books. I usually say that I really liked x and y about such and such book but I was a bit miffed by z.

This book has left me miff-less. No miffing to report here.

Short and sweet - the book... not at all the main character. But, the absence of "sweet-ness" in Cyd Charisse is probably one of the things about her that endears me to her.

The premise: The book is about this girl who carries around a doll named gingerbread which her real dad gave her at the airport one year and she’s kept it ever since for a reminder of her dad who she never sees.

My thoughts: Rachel Cohn's definitely got a cool style going for her in her writing. This is the first book of hers that I've read but I have watched Nick and Norah... and I will read the next two books about Cyd Charisse Shrimp and Cupcake to test out my theory. But it goes something like this: Illustrate a moment in time for a character and make you feel the impact of the moment, don't drag it on forever, make it short and simple, but include enough backstory to add dimension to the character... and make 'em irresistable.

rating: 5 of 5 stars

View all my reviews.

I'm just a dork, not at all sophisticated.

2009-04-05T19:16:00.004-05:00

(btw: I hear the tune "I'm just a girl" by No Doubt when I say that)

This past week in Houston we had tons of fantastic authors cruise through my neighborhood due to the fact that TLA was going on (TLA: Texas Library Association)

Did I see any of them???

NO.

WHY?

Because I'm just a dork... I'd rather not be...

Seriously though, I'm worried.

I'll call it the Perpetual Pedestal Problem.

It happens when you think someone or something is fabulous and so you put it on the unapproachable, unreachable pedestal. Rather than going up to the fabulous thing and having a conversation with it - because what if you have nothing of value or worth to say and you end up looking like not only a dork, but a moron to boot - you decide to avoid the pedestal at all costs and you choose to sit at home.

This is what I do sometimes, and this is why I am a dork, and this is why I didn't go see Scott Westerfeld, or Meg Cabot, Justine Larbalestier, or Cassandra Clare...

Maybe I'll wise up by the time Melissa Marr comes to town...

Airman (Eoin Colfer)

2009-04-03T12:41:00.003-05:00

My thoughts:
This book caught me by suprise - from the get-go.

There were a few perfectly placed moments of humor in the first part of the book which helped set a positive mood to balance out the bits of count-of-monte-cristo-esque injustice later on.

I think that is probably my favorite thing about the book - as boring as it sounds - the balance. For the record it was not at all a boring book!

The good guys were good. The bad guys were bad. The funny parts were funny, the sad parts were sad, the adventurous parts were adventurous, the technical parts were quite technical.

The story was good.

About the book:
Conor Broekhart was born to fly. In fact, legend has it that he was born flying, in a hot air balloon at the Paris World’s Fair.

In the 1890s Conor and his family live on the sovereign Saltee Islands, off the Irish coast. Conor spends his days studying the science of flight with his tutor and exploring the castle with the king’s daughter, Princess Isabella. But the boy’s idyllic life changes forever the day he discovers a deadly conspiracy against the king. When Conor tries to intervene, he is branded a traitor and thrown into jail on the prison island of Little Saltee. There, he has to fight for his life, as he and the other prisoners are forced to mine for diamonds in inhumane conditions.

There is only one way to escape Little Saltee, and that is to fly. So Conor passes the solitary months by scratching drawings of flying machines on the prison walls. The months turn into years; but eventually the day comes when Conor must find the courage to trust his revolutionary designs and take to the skies.

rating: 5 of 5 stars

View all my reviews.

Hawksong (Amelia Atwater-Rhodes)

2009-04-01T12:30:00.002-05:00

It's interesting when you switch genres of literature, styles of writing, time periods... it feels like you are changing realities - like you are being subjected to the same culture shock as if you Bill and Ted stepping into the phone booth in sunny so-cal only to step out onto a stormy battlefield in France during one of Napoleon's campaigns.

Sometimes that switch is not easy - sometimes I find myself struggling through the beginning of a book, like this one, for the simple reason that it is not the same (in any way) from the other book I am reading or the book I just finished.

I spend the first few chapters thinking, Wait! this isn't morbidly funny like The Dust of 100 Dogs. It isn't eerily gothic like A Great and Terrible Beauty. It isn't Felicity-esque like Under the Rose.

That initial struggle dissapates once I become invested in the characters and their own unique story, and whereas the following may sound strange considering the characeters are shapeshifters who spend equal amounts of time in a human form or an animal form, but, I think I rely heavily on the plausibility factor. I need something to believe in when I read - even in the most fantastical setting.

All that to say, I didn't latch on to the story until a few chapters into it but I know that is not due to any inherant quality (or lack thereof) in the story but only due to the hiccup of switching genres so abruptly like I tend to do.
Hawksong is a lovely story. I loved experiencing the difficulty the characters went through because they wanted to trust in something unknown and how they were scared to because it meant danger and sacrifice.

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars

Calling all "Knittas"

2009-04-01T10:09:00.006-05:00

I've only been a knitta for about a month... but the other day in the midst of the stress of past-due school assignments and work responsiblities, as I sat knitting and listening to a book, I realized that the experience provided a release for the perfectionist in me.
It's like a momentary haven for my compulsive need to do something perfectly. I know that "perfectionism" is a dangerous compulsion as it rarely leads to success and most often results in failure but I wonder if perhaps I am "allowed" an outlet for the perfectionist in my impulse to craft and create.

What do you think?
Do you knit or craft in some way?
Do you have perfectionist impulses?
How do you satisfy your urge to do something perfectly?

Brooks, Caletti, Carter, Craft, Cohn, George, King & Hopkins

2009-03-31T15:14:00.016-05:00

Stranded
(at the drive-in. Branded a fool. What will they say, Monday at school?)

I got stranded on the feeder of Beltway 8 rather than the drive-in... this morning... which has given me a headache but in the meantime I spent some time browsing Barnes and Noble, managed to reign in the urge to buy the following books (may have to fork over the dough for car repairs) but they have been added to my TBR... (As you might can tell from my title, I didn't actually make it all the way down the shelf...)

These would all be new authors for me, let me share them with you, I'd love to hear from those of you who have read these authors (or books) before:

Caitlin is spending the summer on the windswept island that is her home. She is caught between girlhood and maturity, and feels utterly isolated from the rest of the world. Then she meets Lucas, who is the embodiment of freedom and honesty. She is instantly drawn to him. But Caitlin must also grapple with the darker forces that seem to be confronting her family. Lucas himself further complicates matters when he is hunted for an awful crime that Caitlin herself becomes involved in.
What caught my eye on these was the set (there are other titles by this author; the cover (boy, bright colors) and the blurb (sounded Dessen-esque).

Jade DeLuna is too young to die. She knows this, and yet she can't quite believe it, especially when the terrifying thoughts, loss of breath, and dizzy feelings come. Since being diagnosed with Panic Disorder, she's trying her best to stay calm, and visiting the elephants at the nearby zoo seems to help. That's why Jade keeps the live zoo webcam on in her room, and that's where she first sees the boy in the red jacket. A boy who stops to watch the elephants. A boy carrying a baby.
What caught my attention on this one was the issue: "panic attack" (I've experienced this before and I thought I could relate if on a milder level)

The Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women is a fairly typical all-girls school that is, if every school taught advanced martial arts in PE, the latest in chemical warfare in science; and students received extra credit for breaking CIA codes computer class. So in truth, Gallagher Academy might claim to be a school for geniuses but its really a school for spies. Cammie Morgan is a second generation Gallagher Girl, and by her sophomore year shes already fluent in fourteen languages and capable of killing a man in seven different ways.But the one thing the Gallagher Academy hasn't prepared her for is what to do when she falls for an ordinary boy who thinks shes an ordinary girl.
Alias meets Gossip Girl plot element... hehe.

Harper Waddle, Sophie Bushell, and Kate Foster are about to commit the ultimate suburban sin--bailing on college to each pursue their dreams: write the next Great American Novel, make it as a Hollywood actress, and backpack around the world. Middlebury-bound Becca Winsberg is convinced her friends have gone insane...until they remind her she just might have a dream of her own. So what if their lives are bass ackwards and belly up? They'll always have each other.
A fantastic title mixed with the illusory "chasing dreams" which sends an immediate pang to the heart.

When Cyd Charisse moves from San Francisco to start a new life in New York City, she leaves behind her family -- and her true love, Shrimp.
She wants to find a cool job, the city's best caffeination and most perfect cupcake, and a hot new love. But the reality of CC's new life hits some unexpected obstacles, including a broken leg that renders her immobile; the joy and aggravation of sharing an apartment with a roommate who's also an older brother; and a tasty selection of guys -- none of whom measure up to Shrimp.
Then, just when CC starts to get her new life on track, her old love returns. Shrimp has given up on his plans to live and surf in New Zealand and arrives in NYC with nothing to do other than to be with CC. And this time CC is determined that she and Shrimp will not repeat their old mistakes.
This third book about reformed hellion Cyd Charisse is just as unforgettable as Gingerbread and Shrimp.
I know I have to read the first two in the grouping first, but this is the one that caught my eye. I love the pursuit of "cool job, coffee, and a new guy" sounds light, funny, and entertaining.

Galen is a young soldier returning from war; Rose is one of twelve princesses condemned to dance each night for the King Under Stone. Together Galen and Rose will search for a way to break the curse that forces the princesses to dance at the midnight balls. All they need is one invisibility cloak, a black wool chain knit with enchanted silver needles, and that most critical ingredient of all—true love—to conquer their foes in the dark halls below. But malevolent forces are working against them above ground as well, and as cruel as the King Under Stone has seemed, his wrath is mere irritation compared to the evil that awaits Galen and Rose in the brighter world above.

ALSO - I am so happy to announce that BN actually had my all-time-favorite Pirate book on the shelf:
The Dust of 100 Dogs by A.S. King.
Look how it just jumps right off the shelf!

FINALLY, I am quite excited to be expecting...
an audiobook from Library Thing's Early Reviewers!!
Impulse by Ellen Hopkins

Aw-dee-oh-books

2009-03-30T11:37:00.004-05:00

I like audiobooks.
I know.
I'm a broken record saying so.
I listen to books everyday on my iPod.
As of this morning (@4:20am to be exact) while I was driving to work (@Starbucks) I realized how spoiled I am to only listen to audiobooks on an iPod because as far as I know it is the only device that will allow you to listen at a faster speed than the one the book was recorded at.
This morning I tried to listen to an audiobook that I had converted from cds to my iTunes to my iPod (I'd checked it out from the library) and when you do this you have to edit the details of the files so that they are classified as an "audiobook" and not a music file so that you actually have the option to listen at a faster speed. If the file is classified as "music" you don't have the option on your iPod. I've learned that a downloaded audiobook from the iTunes store or from audible is already classified as such and this further step is unnecessary.
ANYWHO - I tried to listen to a book on my iPod that I'd mistakenly not labeled as an audiobook and I couldn't listen to it! The narr-a-tor was talk-ing too slow. I could-n't be pat-ient e-nough to list-en to what was go-ing on. It was as agg-ra-va-ting as try-ing to read this post is for you pro-bab-ly.

Thoughts are like a kernal of corn:

2009-03-25T17:12:00.009-05:00

Sometimes they sit; innocuous, innocent, silent, and still; perhaps they are happy that way. But, you know what happens a few mintues after you turn up the heat...

A. S. King author of The Dust of 100 Dogs posted a rather lengthy monolgue on VDay and the Vagina Monologues which exist to raise awareness of violence against women.

I said a lot of things in a comment to her post. On the topic of violence against women:

I didn't know much (anything) about VDay, although I'd heard of the Vagina Monologues in some random convo a while back - and whereas thoughts have exploded in my head as I read this post they are not very cohesive, although I would like to say that there are two books that I've read recently which have really affected me in this vein:
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larrson
Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
These two books highlight a response to sexual violence that are complete and total opposites from one other. My gut sides with Lisbeth Salander's complete lawless vindication in Larrson's book as opposed to Annabel's silent internalization.
(cue lightbulb) You know, this is perhaps a topic that answers the question that occurred to me while reading D100D - convictions I would "kill" over... hmm...

but there are so many more disconnected thoughts floating around in my mind... my proverbial corn has popped. [that somehow sounds so wrong but I'm leaving it for analogy sake]

I'd never considered "violence against women" as a "cause" that I would "support" as say Compassion International's support of needy children in third world communities or various organizations' push towards awareness of the genocide that is shockingly still taking place (OMG - When I saw Hotel Rwanda my corn popped, flipped, popped again and then burst into flames... and have you read What is the What by Dave Eggers about the Sudanese Civil War - also a corn popper).

So now that I see all these atrocities sitting down together I begin to reflect on the dreaded "W" question. "Why?" Why do these topics stir up such volatile emotions; disgust, rage, vengence... frustration which leads to the desire to act, to do something about the thing which stirred up those emotions in us. Why do I care? It's like when you hear about cruelty to animals - as A.S. King mentions: "dogs can't fight back". I think it must be in part due to the fact that if I was the victim I would want someone to fight on my behalf. Perhaps on the topic of violence to women it is because I know real people who have suffered from this... BUT, then again, it makes us who we are, right? Sure bad things happen everyday and they suck.suck.suck... but then that day ends and you wake up to a new one...

Ugh, my thoughts are still muddy.

Ink Exchange (Melissa Marr)

2009-03-24T16:01:00.007-05:00

When life gives you lemons... get a tattoo.

I picked this book up on the tail end of Wicked Lovely expecting a continuation of the mortal/fairie saga of Aislinn, Seth and Keenan (I confess I didn't even read the blurb or other reviews about the book beforehand); only to discover that it is actually the story of Aislinn's friend Leslie. There is still mucho mortal/fairie dark romantic drama so I wasn't let down in that regard.

One thing I learned from these two books was that I didn't know much (anything?) about Fairie lore! This series has continued to push open the door into this "other" world where magical creatures are as numerous and unique as the various races of mortals.

Melissa Marr has created an interesting world where Fairies and Mortals coexist...although, the mortals are unaware of the fairies' quite intimate involvement in their lives.

Wicked Lovely and Ink Exchange (Fragile Eternity is the third coming out April 21) are quite full of the characters' colorful, conflicted, contemptuous thoughts. The pages of these books were not action packed, nor full of loads of dialogue, but were full of pensive reflection. Much of the detail of these stories must be pieced together from the internal monologues and it is often not spelled out for you. I liked this. I had to really listen (audiobook) closely to follow along with what was going on with each character. It wasn't one of those books that you could just glaze over and pick up on the plot easily.

There was an interesting theme that jumped out at me while reading Ink Exchange which is also present in Wicked Lovely (albeit with a different end result): Bad things happen (or are looming on the horizon), can't be changed, can't be avoided. How are you going to deal with it? With aplomb, thank you... even if I have to suffer a bit in the process or as a result.

Finally, this will sound very LeVar Burton of me but nonetheless: If you are tempted to get a tattoo, reading this book will likely only further fuel that desire. (I only have a very small one on the inside of my left ankle, in the shape of an icthus and I've been dying to get another since I turned 30).

I'm a hero!

2009-03-24T14:46:00.006-05:00

Sword weilding, Misses Buzzing Insect, complete with sarong and butterfly wings. Don't mess with me sucka! I'll buzz ya to death if my sword doesn't run ya through first.

Click here to make your own unique hero.

The Dust of 100 Dogs (A.S.King)

2009-03-24T12:29:00.001-05:00

Facing death with a sword in hand

A notorious 17th century pirate reincarnated as a girl genius determined to reclaim her buried treasure, having lived the last three hundred years as an assortment of dogs.
(From A.S. King's facebook page)

My first pirate book ever and I totally loved it for two simple reasons:

The internal dialogue of a 300 year old girl pirate in the body of a 21st century teenager plagued by how retarded, shallow and boring everyone is. If I believed in reincarnation I would totally be convinced that I must've been a pirate in a previous life for how much I could relate to Saffron in this.

Without giving anything away, let me just say: the love story. It's not sappy but simple; not predominant but poignant.

I had a moment of introspective clarity (other than the conviction that I'm a pirate at heart) while reading this story. Do I have convictions so strong that I'd be willing to kill others, and FIGHT to the death?

I imagined myself standing in Emer's place on the deck of a ship with a sword in hand because I would rather kill (or be killed) than loose my livelihood, my ship, my men who have devoted their lives to me, be taken prisoner... What do I believe in so much that I would die for it? Emer's mother fought against Cromwell's Roundheads in defense of her Irish beliefs, her Irish village, her Irish family. I'd like to think I would do the same. I guess I can never know until I'm put in that place, but sitting here in the safety of my suburban American life, I wonder if I'd have the courage to face death with a sword in hand.

Reading Challenge Status

2009-03-19T13:48:00.007-05:00

I am participating in three reading challenges:

I think I am on a healthy pace to complete them all.

As for the New Authors Challenge (Goal is 50):

As for the First in Series Challenge (Goal is 12):

The Amulet of Samarkand, Book 1 of the Bartimeus Trilogy by Jonothan Stroud
Secret Society Girl, Book 1 of the Ivy League Novel series by Diana Peterfreund
Great and Terrible Beauty, Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray
Wicked Lovely, first in the Tales of Faerie by Melissa Marr
Hawksong, Kiesh'ra Volume 1 by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

And as for the Audiobook Challenge (Goal is 12):

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud
Little Brother by Cory Doctorow
People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron
Undiscovered Country by Lin Enger
Certain Slant of Light by Laura Whitcomb
Grimpow by Rafael Abalos
Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
Ink Exchange
Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

BLOG LIFE

2009-03-19T10:29:00.003-05:00

I learned something today! I was not aware until just now when I looked it up on Urban Dictionary's website that Thug Life was an acronym AND it has its own code of conduct - all evolved from the life of Tupac Shakur.

I thought it would be funny... to create a parody of that acronym and code... and call it BLOG LIFE.

I'll give it more thought later.

Wicked Lovely (Melissa Marr)

2009-03-18T19:54:00.003-05:00

You know how when you're reading a book you can sometimes encounter a word that is not used in everyday conversation but still get the general sense of the word based on context and a vague understanding for its meaning - but if someone were to ask you to define that word you would "um" "sorta like" and "uh" yourself into oblivion?

I've realized that is the same experience with some books - you find yourself at the last word, pause, look up, think "good" and then clutch desperately at the next in the series if it is available. You have to hunker down and really think about the details of the book in order to explain to someone else why you thought "good". All you know is that you devoured each chapter like it was the last, were intoxicated by the characters, their relationship, their conflict, and conveniently lost sight of pain and tragedy unfolding in real life around you.

That's all I'm gonna say for now, because duty calls - must cook dinner, write Mid Term and such.

Update: See my post on Ink Exchange for more ramblings on this series

Cheers!

Me. Unplugged. Can you relate?

2009-03-17T20:29:00.002-05:00

Monday, March 15, 2009.
11:49 am

I can't deal with the world today. I want music and books not people and problems.

I don’t want to see the model on the cover of Sports Illustrated in her flesh colored bikini, posing there, hip cocked to the side with her thumb in her bikini bottom like a biker wearing a pair of jeans.

I don't want to see the little Korean girl sitting in her mother's lap playing with the frayed pages of the paper torn from a spiral notebook as her mother and father sip tea and chat in a language I cannot understand.

I don't want to see the scrawny, scruffy-haired, bored-looking white boy barista trying to keep busy behind the counter of the café at Borders wiping down the steam wands, the counters, staring at the timer for the coffee, being a spitting image of boy baristas I worked with at my very first starbucks in all it's rock-band-Austin-Texas-Music-Capitol-of-the-World-coolness.

I want to ignore everything that is taking place.

I don't want to think about how I have to write this midterm about the innovation that I have chosen to implement, Second Life, which I don't know or understand entirely, don't know where to begin to make sense of the confusion.

I don't want to see the simply-beautiful-20-something young girl hanging having tea/coffee with her pops.

I don't want to see the wide-girthed bookstore patron wearing baggy sweats(!) looking all sorts of pathetic-my-life-is-in-books-so-it-doesn't-matter-what-I wear-ness.

I want to ignore it all.

I don't want to think about the lady who cut me off a few hours ago.

I don't want to think about the question "why" or "what's the point" or "who cares" or "why bother".

I want to pretend that I am happy; that I am ready to go to work at the library still wearing my starbucks khakis-and-black-polo-uniform; that I will finish this midterm without having an aneurism; that I will get through the day without succumbing to the urge to bite the head off some innocent individual who just happens to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I want to pretend that it will all be okay; but the uber realist in me knows that it wont. I will get hungry and want to eat again and again and again. I will get frustrated and want to walk out the door ,chunk up a couple fingers, without a backwards glance. I will want to cover up my ears and say "Na na na na na na na na" to drown out all the stupidity, all the nagging thoughts and voices.

I don't want to waste another day wishing for a different reality, for a different job, environment, pursuit; wishing for fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, peace. But I will. And I've wasted too many in that mode as it is.

I'll just push it all down, pack it in tight light brown sugar. Maybe one of these days I will be able to dump it into a mixing bowl, add other ingredients and make something edible from it.

Just Listen (Sarah Dessen)

2009-03-16T09:54:00.002-05:00

This book is lingering longer than I had anticipated. It.has.affected.me.

This book is like a complex taste, you find yourself letting the morsel of food linger in your mouth for a while, trying to identify all the flavors.

I tasted many things. There was definitely a pungent anger** which dominated the last 1/3 of the book when I finally discover why Anabelle has been ostracized.

There was a subtle hint of sweet tenderness. I felt the frog rise in my throat, not to mention the tears in the eyes as I felt Anabelle live.

Another subtle flavor that has remained with me long after I've swallowed the bite is the spicy magic of "the find" or "the discovery". When you find out something about yourself or another; when you discover the effects of time on painful circumstances; when you discover something unexpected in yourself… when you find someone who can reach down deep into your soul and touch you so that you are forever changed.

This was my first Dessen, and I can see how she has acquired a weighty reputation; I can see in this book that she has a talent for putting difficult scenes and situations into words. I was amazed at how real I felt what was taking place in and around Anabelle.

I sit here feeling like I have just lived this time in Anabelle's life and I am telling myself that I am so lucky to have the support of family and friends who love me, support me and who want to share my pain; to relieve me of the pressure and weight of these burdens.

**Oh. Dear.

When you find out (why A has been ostracized), finally, after living so long with the puzzle of not knowing, after the slow unravel of the family drama, I am feeling so angry! I want retribution, revenge, all hell to break loose on the guilty party - involving tearing it into a million pieces and feeding it to the rats. The other person, I want to SLAP across the face until there is a permanent hand print.

I'm not a violent person, but I'll tell you what... when certain things happen... you better get out of my way because I'm gonna tear limbs apart - and I don't mean trees.